I'm done.

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The wife sounds like a handful.
The violent tendencies like throwing objects is a RED FLAG.
I would ditch the car and then threaten to ditch her, dig in your heels for a wild ride but you can tame her. Do not back down and dont go to anymore family functions unless you want to.
If she dont like it, she can hit the road.
Bringing a kid into the complicated situation is only going to complicate it more.
 
Its sounds crazy but your wife is abusive... She has to be mad about something from way back that she hasnt talked about..... Counseling sounds like a plan and just park the TR for now... I would just stand upto her.. If she throws things make sure its the chiit she bought... The past is the past and whats done is done.. i know easier said than done but once you put the wife in her place things will start to change. Maybe its time for a second job.. You just have to look in the mirror and smack yourself... Get strong and if you are stone cold w the wife and she sees that throwing things doesnt bother you you will have the upper hand.. Its all a game you just have to unfortunately stoop to her level (not throwing things but the game)... Hope for the best for you....
 
No matter what happens with the car, wife, home etc is trivial BS.
First take care of your health. That is Number One!!
But under No Circumstances Adopt a Child! That would be Assinine in your situation! There are too many screwed up kids out there already!!

Good Luck to you! I think you need some Professional help to get you on track.
 
Finally ,some Good Sound Advice,the Car Means Nothing At The Moment ,think Of Your Sanity
 
Cars are replaceable. You cant enjoy a hobby if it causes pain and affects other priorities. Part it out , sell it whole. Concentrate on recovery . Im aware how crippling it is to slouch under the hood with a messed up back , takes many days to recover. Once you get personal issues sorted, get back into the game. These cars pop up for sale . You will know what to look for as you have learned from experience and good folks here can be a second set of eyes to help.
Your health and loved ones are irreplaceable, cars are. ( edit - wife ? post 42, you have to accept her hobbys and vise versa for good longterm relationship )
I had to sell my '64 malibu SS 4 sp in '81 or 82 after I hurt my back. No work, lottsa doctors, rehab, retraining = no $$$ .I made sure it went to someone who was aware of its rarity and was going to treat it well. Turned down 5 buyers offers. Knowing it went to good hands eased the pain of letting it go. ( the buyer prostreeted it ) I could only afford to drive disposable rice rust buckets. Got my health/personal back somewhat and eventually could afford the V8 monza then the monte ( monte had its share of no go's ). Selling the car doesnt mean your not a car guy anymore. I few guys at work here had similar stories, one hard luck muscle car fella went 5 yrs no hotrod but just p/u a gn in sept '07 as it was forsale by word of mouth.

Hope things work out. I'm sure you will look back at this in time and compare, realize things have improved. You will enjoy the hobby then , as hobbies are ment to be.

Steve.
edit - good point made on post 43
 
Sorry Vader to hear of your misfortune.

You sound like the type of person that needs to find someone going thru a divorce that needs to sell their car cheap (so it sells before the ex gets it) and then latch onto the deal.

But then i read your credit is bad, so not sure how you will come up with the funds.

I just found out my wife is 7 weeks preg. with our 1st child, and I'm already figuring when the tyke comes the hobbies will come to an almost abrupt halt.

I figure you have to make time for the family, the cars are hobbies you do when you can. Of course when the kids get old enough and you can get them into it, you can use the excuse to the wife of "car time is father/son/daughter time".

You could sell the car now, but truth be told, it's a double edged sword, because later you will kick yourself with the "why did I do that", and by then chances are Turbo Buicks will be selling thru the nose, much like '69 Camaros are today.

Not sure what else to tell you, just gotta step back and reevaluate.
 
Wife vs. Car Hobby

Hey,

Been in your exact situation. Parked the toys, tried the cousiling thing (of course its MY problem, not hers). Money was tight & a kid on the way, a disabled kid at home already.

End game was, get rid of the wife, start a new life and be with the kids as much as possible. She kept the home (I made sure my kids have a place to stay, otherwise it would be place after place), she went through 3 more husbands and still aint happy. In-laws were hillbillies, multiple unspoken issues and quess what - kids did not help the situation.

The hobby kept me sane (fishing, hunting, cars, or whatever) never had much time, but made the best of it, good relationship with my kids too boot.

I guess your gonna be a Dad. Make the best of the KID and be there for them. They will drive you nuts at times, but are worth it.

Jim
 
Thanks for that video above. Havent laughed like that in awhile. :D
My wife grew up ms. princess, center of attention, spoiled rotten, starred in ALOT of TV commercials as a kid, thought she was going to be famous and it never happened and her mom took all the money, and her dads money, and burned it on useless garbage (sounds familiar). I had never witnessed someone so oblivious to adversity when I met her. And me, it seemed like all I ever knew. Her mom coddled and shielded her from everything. They were a mormon family (play church and follow all the rules around other churchies but dont actually live a righteous life....what others see is what matters way more than what God sees and what you know to be right and real and true)..basically no accountability for anything, be a hypocrite, a liar...use lies, freak outs, coercion and manipulation to get everything you want, and mom never put her in check, and dad didnt want to be around anyone in that house so he spent his free time playing in bars with his band. I saw a million red flags in the beginning, but she actually seemed alot different....someone I could TRUST wasnt going to **** around on me. Its the 1st woman in my LIFE I knew and know wouldnt do that. So I traded all my other needs in to get that 1 need met. All I need to know is that you wont cheat on me...so anyway, she seemed really cool, and in touch with humanity, and our inherent flaws and shortcomings...didnt judge people, shopped at thrift stores and saved money. Once the ring was on the finger, everything flipped 100%.
We've done the counseling thing several times, and every time, she uses her dramatic acting skills to completely control the situation and wrap them around her finger with lie after lie after deception. I say that if she's not going to be honest then we're wasting our time here with this counselor...then the counselor has been so conditioned by her at this point that he thinks Im the one lying...She's wanted children ever since her cousin got pregnant with her now 5 year old son. She didnt want kids. Her cousin (who's like her sister) got preggo, and suddenly she was in a mad dash to make it happen. And after seeing her with my cousin, who we adopted for a couple years, and seeing her with other kids...it scared me. Its not about wanting kids. Its about being the center of attention. That was my wife's position in the family, and now her cousin took it cause everyone was showing attention to her kid. I know her better than she knows herself.
Her mom dropped this upcoming adoption thing out of nowhere with 2 months to fix everything before the kid comes...my parents were letting me run around the streets at 12 till midnight, and no curfew at 16 and then "get the F out" at 18...no matter how much time goes by, its as if these people still live together in the same house and like my wife never left home. Her mom was out buying things for this coming kid, called my wife and said "i'm getting you this stroller and blah blah blah"...My wife starts giving her ****, yelling at her cause its not the 300 dollar stroller she wants. I gave her so much **** for it and she even says she knows she's out of line but she doesnt care. At 29 she still thinks shes the center of the universe and theres nothing wrong with being an ingrate. Wish my parents did 2% what her mom does (her dad died 3 months after we started dating under VERY suspicious circumstances)....let me stop before i keep going.
 
Jeeeeeesus Christ dude, run, far, far away, before any kids are harmed by this dysfunction.
It would be criminal to bring a child into this situation, seriously. You guys do not need to be adopting so much as a kitten, much less a kid.
 
You have to tell her you don't want the kid, and do it now. You can't wait any longer because its six weeks. It will be very hard to do and you know she'll get pissed, but you have to be honest man. Don't live a life you don't want, you only get one.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your problems and completly understand your frustration. Since you married her there are some things you have to understand about the mormon faith. If you're not one of them you're going to hell and you are insignificant, even though they "love" you. :eek: This is a discription of my ex and I'm more than happy to say she is NOT in my life any more. The behavior you're discribing is bi-polar mania as I learned about it. Before you get a kid in this situation, and I say this with all sympathy, GET THE H**L OUT OF THERE. The mormon faith is a unique one and you should research it carefully to understand where you wife is comming from. And then GET THE H**L OUT OF THERE. Sell your GN to a friend and reclaim it after you're divorced. The car may be giving you problems but it is a special colector item and you may be able to save your marage but I've been there and a few of my friends have as well. Counseling will not help you unless you join the "faith" and become one of the "flock" to be sheared of all of your "faults" and tow their "line" of thought. The man is suposed to be in charge and since you haven't "joined in" to the group and follow the line you will never be in charge. Love is a wonderful thing but there are points where you just have to say "enough", gather your things together and hump it out of there. You can and will find better but you really have to move on and get out of this situation. No offence ment to any religous persons out there but "mixed" marriges don't work in most cases and since you're not in her "mix" it won't work.
 
gs_jimmy said:
Hey,

Been in your exact situation. Parked the toys, tried the cousiling thing (of course its MY problem, not hers). Money was tight & a kid on the way, a disabled kid at home already.

End game was, get rid of the wife, start a new life and be with the kids as much as possible. She kept the home (I made sure my kids have a place to stay, otherwise it would be place after place), she went through 3 more husbands and still aint happy. In-laws were hillbillies, multiple unspoken issues and quess what - kids did not help the situation.

The hobby kept me sane (fishing, hunting, cars, or whatever) never had much time, but made the best of it, good relationship with my kids too boot.

I guess your gonna be a Dad. Make the best of the KID and be there for them. They will drive you nuts at times, but are worth it.

Jim
Click to expand...

X2 sound similar to my situation at one time. There is life after marriage, just take care of your kids..........................:smile:

BTW: My son loves the White car :D
 
OK OK....I have an opinion too....

Vader....cars are temporary possessions...don't let them become ruinous obsessions.
Family is for life, and God is forever.

I agree with the park it, keep it, focus on the home life approach, but...that may not be good enough for the missus...so selling the car might be come a necessity at some point if you value the marraige at all. Aside from that, it sounds like she expects you to be something you're not and that's not fair to you.

Likewise....if you're under the hood of the car every waking hour....it's not fair to her or any kids you have or will have.

I'm fortunate to have a wife who does not understand my hobbie so much, but is willing to share in it as long as I don't let it get in the way of my relationship with her and the kids. I walk that line very carefully and make sure I show them what is most important to me....them. Sometimes I can honestly say she enjoys spending time with me and the cars. Other times, she wants them gone....during those times, I have to leave the garage lights off and tune her back in to the fact that I love her madly.

I also agree with the comments that until you stabilize your relationship with your wife (if that's your goal) then you have no business having or adopting children. Kids will not fix a bad relationship with the wife...they will only get caught in the middle. Children absolutley need your attention, time and love....and an occasional good old fashioned butt whoopin' or back hand:biggrin: .....and you can't give them any of the above until your hands are clean.

....you also can't hug the wife when she needs it if the hands are dirty....no woman will tolerate that if it becomes a mind numbing repetition.

Fix life first....then fix the car.

Tim
 
ok you asked for it lol. First, a buick is NOT a daily driver, not to me as they are over 20 years old and not the most dependable thing to start with. Park her for now, get a cheap car and roll on. Now for the wife part, throwing things and screaming is just stupid and immature! Tell her to grow up and life is to short to be hearing that crap all the time! I went thur that with my first wife. Sit her down and have a hard talk with her, You didn't marry her mama, her daddy, or her family! You married her and they should stay out of it period! Enough!! Been there and done that man, I told my wifes family now how it is , we are the couple and to BUTT out, don't be talking to my wife behind my back, if you have a problem then talk to my face! Since then we have all got along fine and thats been over 10 years now. If she can't be married to YOU and not them then you will allways have problems. Second, do spend time with her but also keep a little bit for yourself, you being misrable will not help your marriage either! Everyone needs some kind of hobby and she needs to find one! Not shopping, grow up again!! She is not a teenager, she is a wife now and maybe a mother if you do adopt which may or may not be a good thing for you right now. She needs to understand you enjoy working on your car, its not trash or ugly to you and she should support you on it. If not then she is just being selfish and her feelings is the only important ones, that is NOT what a marrige is about. It is a give and take for both sides, NOT just hers! Sorry to rattle on and I don't mean to piss you off but this just reminds me of my ex wife so much it pisses ME off!! After 9 years of hell I finally said screw this and booted her to the curb!!! Best thing I ever did in my life. My wife now supports me in everything I do, doesn't nag, fuss, etc and loves me just as I am. Because of that we have a wonderfull marriage and I support her in whatever she does, give and take again here. I am not saying get a divorce, what I am saying is you really need to have a talk with her and then decide. Life is to short for crap everyday man!
Ok I will shut up now and get off my soap box good luck Daniel Ray
ps do some searching on mormans on the net, GET OUT MAN!! Twisted bunch there the way they see stuff
 
cpac said:
DR. PHIL would tell you that a baby is a big responsibility and seeing that you are already in financial problems,,well i dont have to tell you the rest
Click to expand...

Exactly why I never take counsel from geeks like Dr Phil!! The car will only appreciate in value, unless the Chinese start buying up all the world's crude oil and our gas prices skyrocket(probably will since Americans are buying so much of their crappy products). If you can find a place to park it: what harm will it do to step back and give it a rest? Sounds like you've got a pile of issues/dynamics to deal with right now and are looking for something to vent about(I'm an expert at that). I've seen a lot of posts and replies in here by you in the last couple years, so I know you enjoy this stuff. Don't retreat- just back up and regroup;) . I missed the part about the marriage/wife issues and revised this post- If there is ANY chance of abuse/trauma in the home: DON'T EVEN THINK about adoption. I won't tell you to ditch the wife any more than to ditch the car. Not as long as there's a chance to redeem something you love out of all this. Not that it's ALL up to you, but- rejection is never what a sick person needs to get well. Mormonism? That's a whole 'nuther can of worms!! Treat that like a biohazard.
 
OUCH-Vader!....

You gotta be hurting. I'm sure it helps to vent here, and we appreciate your trust in the board not to kick you when your down. But let me ask you a question, if you had a friend going thru the exact same experience as yourself, what would you advise him to do? You are obviously familiar w/ the gn's problems, and w/the problems of the job, and w/the problems of the wife. If the gn were to be fixed, would the problem then go away? What if you got a new job and could afford to repair the gn, would that cure the problem? What if you could send your wife out for a "stepford-wife-makeover," would that cure the problem? Probably, but add a child to a self-centered, selfish individual, and you will end up taking care of the little bundle of joy more than she, because, like everything else, those individuals soon tire of the novelties. You seem to be a very responseable individual, which makes it easy for a person to take advantage of you. She is aware that if she drops the ball, you will pick it up, because you are faithful. And because of your childhood experience, you don't want to see the little guy grow up w/o a father. Especially, if you let the little guy in your heart, which would serve to increase her power over you as she would use the child to her advantage.
Sorry Vader, don't mean to analyze you or your wife.(My wife and I have counselled many a couple in the ways of marriage.) Just hoping to avoid another troubled childhood.
 
Alot of views here..damn.
My wife bailed out on mormonism back in 01. My dads side of the family all come from salt lake city, and are all mormons. But at 18, my dad became christian, his mom (my grandmother) became christian...they all bailed out. After 3 or 4 years of me talking about the whole scam/cult that mormonism is, and gave alot of true background history on joseph smith and pointed out that 75% of the book of mormon is directly copied word for word from the old testament, and joseph smith crosses out biblical characters and inserts himself....and that pretty much all his followers were illiterate and had they known what he had written down, they probably would have never followed him...oh wait....theres millions that know what he wrote and STILL follow it...they tried with me many moons ago and let them know it would NEVER happen. 99% of mormons have never been told the real mormon story.
But my wife isnt mormon. Her mom is. And she has a major influence on my wife. Her mom has been institutionalized for bi-polar disorder...severe manic episodes where she throws ****, breaks ****...goes bat**** insane for awhile then comes back. someone above mentioned that, lol....Ive watched my wife turning into her mom and its really depressing. But lately she's been really cool. But once again its probably because I'm letting her have a kid and she's on good behavior.
 
wow.. after reading all this DUMP the car !! Its only a car an you can get another when things are better.. It is NOT an investment !! It's a money pit that may pay back .10 on the dollar . Good luck on the rest.. Obviously ya have a lot on your plate :redface:
 
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