OMG Nooooo!!!!!
- Thread starter jhef83
- Start date
John Larkin
Sublime Master of Turbology
- Joined
- May 25, 2001
Keep the peace or say your piece. Tough choice considering it's your child.
QuickWrench
Don't Read This
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2002
How old is she? Is he just temporarily unemployed, or a serial loser? Considering the situation, I'd guess it's the latter. What's her financial situation look like after the birth? If he can't or won't be able to support her and the child, take that into account. You'll be filling a LOT of mouths.jhef83 said:
Unless you/they are severely Catholic, a child is no reason to get married, either. That conversation usually pops up during these times. I'd be more worried about them tripping over themselves by going down that road.
I like that.John Larkin said:
You know, I was a jobless 16 year old when I found out I was going to be a daddy.
I took responsiblity and provided for my family though. I don't know how well you know this guy or how old he is, but if they are not serious, chances are he will split.
If he seems to be a good person, don't completely turn your head to them moving in. We had to do that for a while, with her parents and then mine for a bit. I think the key is to not make it too comfortable. Getting on their feet should be their first priority, but if they are comfortable how they are - they will have no drive to get on their own.
Now, this is touchy - try not to be too much of a dick... remember that if you are too hard on them(him), you could cause them problems that could cause them to split up... It took us about a year and a half to get completely out on our own. Now, mind you 90 percent of our expenses, we paid for... we even chipped in for utilities and whatnot.
If we did not have help from our parents, I do not know if we would have been able to stay together through all the challenges that being young new parents has.
Now a days, I am able to help my parents out... what goes around comes around, right?
food for thought from the other side.
I read something the other day:
"Be nice to your kids. They will chose which nursing home you go to"
Vic
I took responsiblity and provided for my family though. I don't know how well you know this guy or how old he is, but if they are not serious, chances are he will split.
If he seems to be a good person, don't completely turn your head to them moving in. We had to do that for a while, with her parents and then mine for a bit. I think the key is to not make it too comfortable. Getting on their feet should be their first priority, but if they are comfortable how they are - they will have no drive to get on their own.
Now, this is touchy - try not to be too much of a dick... remember that if you are too hard on them(him), you could cause them problems that could cause them to split up... It took us about a year and a half to get completely out on our own. Now, mind you 90 percent of our expenses, we paid for... we even chipped in for utilities and whatnot.
If we did not have help from our parents, I do not know if we would have been able to stay together through all the challenges that being young new parents has.
Now a days, I am able to help my parents out... what goes around comes around, right?
food for thought from the other side.
I read something the other day:
"Be nice to your kids. They will chose which nursing home you go to"
Vic
I feel your pain. My sister got pregnant @ 16. She gave the baby up for adoption. Lots of good people out there looking for a baby.
What would your parents have done. If you turned out alright, maybe they are a better source of advice than us, assuming that is an option.
Does the boyfriend have parents? If not, maybe all he needs is a Father figure to show him how to be a man. I'm not much for excuses, but maybe the guy had a tough go of it. Remember, your daughter and the baby are the priority.
What would your parents have done. If you turned out alright, maybe they are a better source of advice than us, assuming that is an option.
Does the boyfriend have parents? If not, maybe all he needs is a Father figure to show him how to be a man. I'm not much for excuses, but maybe the guy had a tough go of it. Remember, your daughter and the baby are the priority.
I am now a 37 yr. old grand-pa. I can tell you when my 18 yr. old daughter came and told she was pregnant--i thought the world was over!!!
It was a very difficult time.
The best advice i can give you 2&1/2 yrs later is:::make the best of this situation.My granddaughter is 19 months old and has a place in my heart that NOONE can replace.I couldn't imagine life w/o her now.
I will insert a pic. below of me giving her a bath in "her tub"-(our hot tub)
How could you not love this::: http://home.bellsouth.net/p/s/commu...olderid=162526&curRec=2&folderview=thumbs&ck=
Geoff
It was a very difficult time.
The best advice i can give you 2&1/2 yrs later is:::make the best of this situation.My granddaughter is 19 months old and has a place in my heart that NOONE can replace.I couldn't imagine life w/o her now.
I will insert a pic. below of me giving her a bath in "her tub"-(our hot tub)
How could you not love this::: http://home.bellsouth.net/p/s/commu...olderid=162526&curRec=2&folderview=thumbs&ck=
Geoff
no one but you......
can make that decision, I've been there before, she kept the child, and had 2 more before she was 16 !!! ( wifes daughter)
finally married a super guy, moved away, and is very comfortable and happy.
I think the 1st one is special in my heart, I love em all! but wished she would have done it differently, what ever your choice, always give em your love, the little ones didn't have a choice!
as far a HE goes, lay down the law, it is your house, and your rules, make it clear !
good luck
cruzn57
can make that decision, I've been there before, she kept the child, and had 2 more before she was 16 !!! ( wifes daughter)
finally married a super guy, moved away, and is very comfortable and happy.
I think the 1st one is special in my heart, I love em all! but wished she would have done it differently, what ever your choice, always give em your love, the little ones didn't have a choice!
as far a HE goes, lay down the law, it is your house, and your rules, make it clear !
good luck
cruzn57
72firebird
Active Member
- Joined
- May 18, 2004
Being 17 I see for most kids it doesn't really set in as far as how much responsibility they're going to have to take on to take care of a child. Most of the kids around here choose an alternative school where they only have to go to school for like 3 or 4 hours a day.
As for him, I would really lay down the law. Make sure he gets a good job and quick. He needs to have the job before the baby comes so he can start saving. I dunno how tough you normally are with your kids but I would also make sure she gets a job also. Even though she may be pregnant she can still work, there are many women who do it and perform their job just fine. I would charge some sort of rent. Don't make it too outragous but just enough to cover the extra utilities and food, this way they can also save money to move out on their own. Without an income from both of them it will be very difficult to even just support the child.
As for him, I would really lay down the law. Make sure he gets a good job and quick. He needs to have the job before the baby comes so he can start saving. I dunno how tough you normally are with your kids but I would also make sure she gets a job also. Even though she may be pregnant she can still work, there are many women who do it and perform their job just fine. I would charge some sort of rent. Don't make it too outragous but just enough to cover the extra utilities and food, this way they can also save money to move out on their own. Without an income from both of them it will be very difficult to even just support the child.
I would definitely lay down some rules if you let him move him. Primarily that the situation is not permanent and that you expect him to find work. If your daughter is lucky, the guy will mature and act like a father, but I wouldn't count on it.
My girlfriend had a child when she was 20 with a guy that was a serial loser. Shortly after their son was born, they split up. Now 3 1/2 years later the guy has given no more than $450 to help pay for any expenses; however, being the father, he still expects to get to see his son. To top it off, the guy was without a job for at least half of the two years that she and I have been together... I doubt things will ever change.
I don't know much about your daughter, but most girls I've met or known that are in their late teens early twenties are not ready for children, and males are even less ready. Neither party realizes how much free time they will lose once they have a child, nor do they have any clue how expensive it is to support a child.
I know I've been rambling and not making much of a point, but your daughter and her boyfriend are in for a huge change in life (just like anyone else that has their first child) and they need to be made aware of these changes before they take place. Of course they probably won't listen... I know my girlfriend didn't when people tried to tell her, and my sister didn't listen when my girlfriend and I tried to tell her.
My girlfriend had a child when she was 20 with a guy that was a serial loser. Shortly after their son was born, they split up. Now 3 1/2 years later the guy has given no more than $450 to help pay for any expenses; however, being the father, he still expects to get to see his son. To top it off, the guy was without a job for at least half of the two years that she and I have been together... I doubt things will ever change.
I don't know much about your daughter, but most girls I've met or known that are in their late teens early twenties are not ready for children, and males are even less ready. Neither party realizes how much free time they will lose once they have a child, nor do they have any clue how expensive it is to support a child.
I know I've been rambling and not making much of a point, but your daughter and her boyfriend are in for a huge change in life (just like anyone else that has their first child) and they need to be made aware of these changes before they take place. Of course they probably won't listen... I know my girlfriend didn't when people tried to tell her, and my sister didn't listen when my girlfriend and I tried to tell her.
Thanks for all the replies. I was kind of suprised nobody said I shouldn't let him move in. I guess I am a dick. He's going to a temp service tomorrow that I suggested. I know they'll get him some work. I think he's the type that doesn't hold a job very long. Time will tell. A couple things I didn't mention, he's already got one kid. Doesn't pay support. Trying to stay nicey,nicey with that girl so he doesn't have to. He hasn't been out of jail too long though. Maybe he'll straighten up. She's 18, he's 22. She had a miscarriage about a year ago, different guy. That's another reason I should let them stay. If I don't and she loses the kid, it would be all my fault. They'd all think so anyway.
sixgun86gn
six offender
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2002
Don't let them move in.They were irresponsible enough to get her pregnant,now they can be responsible and take care of it.I had a sister go through the same crap,now 3 kids,3 daddys later she is still mooching off my parents.She hasn't had to learn to take responsibility for her actions because they always take care of it for her.
I feel the same will happen to you,especially if you daughter has a taste for losers.Personally if that happens to my kid when shes that age and the father is a loser...he is getting an adjustment,old school style...right in the front yard where she can watch.
My daughter is not my daughter genetically,but she has known no other father and I love her more than her real father ever would.He knows she's out there and he doesn't care.My wife has never went after him for child support and let him off scott free.That chaps my ass when some loser gets a girl pregnant and just up and runs.Watched it happen to my sister 3 times.
I am sorry to tell you this but she is notch #2 on his belt.If she wants to have the kid she should.But she should just ditch the loser and find a real man that will love and care for her and the baby enough to be a responsible man.Love makes a man responsible in a relationship,he obviously doesnt love your daughter enough if he is just being lazy.A real man wants to give his lady and his kids the world and doesnt make excuses for why he can't.
I feel the same will happen to you,especially if you daughter has a taste for losers.Personally if that happens to my kid when shes that age and the father is a loser...he is getting an adjustment,old school style...right in the front yard where she can watch.
My daughter is not my daughter genetically,but she has known no other father and I love her more than her real father ever would.He knows she's out there and he doesn't care.My wife has never went after him for child support and let him off scott free.That chaps my ass when some loser gets a girl pregnant and just up and runs.Watched it happen to my sister 3 times.
I am sorry to tell you this but she is notch #2 on his belt.If she wants to have the kid she should.But she should just ditch the loser and find a real man that will love and care for her and the baby enough to be a responsible man.Love makes a man responsible in a relationship,he obviously doesnt love your daughter enough if he is just being lazy.A real man wants to give his lady and his kids the world and doesnt make excuses for why he can't.
jasjamz
THS Racer
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2004
I'm 25 and have to say not to let him move in.You are not being mean at all. Where does he live now? And not to brag but I have had a decent amount of exp with women 18-27. I mean I talk to them to see where their head is at. Thus, I hear reasons for cartain actions. And ask a lot of questions. She is in that "bad boy phase" as I call it and will grow out of it. But keeping her around this type is NOT going to speed up the process and will turn other Nice guys away. You can still make sure he does his part with out him being under your roof. And please dont get mad at me, but I would look in birth control after this. A girl at my college is 19 has a one year old and is giong to see the vaccum this weekend. Both guys are bad boys but, she is Very Very slowly starting to see the light I think.
