For those of you that may have friends or relatives
that want to visit.
Rules to Enter Texas:
Applies to each person as they enter Texas. Learn
'em & remember 'em.
East Coast and California-types pay particular
attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an
idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel
road." I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow
you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get
out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they
smell like to you.
They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't
like it? I-20 and I-10
go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Take
one.
4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're
impressed. We have
quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we
drive 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's
called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves
are coming in, we will
shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you
don't have it up to your
ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want
sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all
women, regardless of
age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2
pounds of ham &turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main
dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt,
pepper, and Pace
Picante Sauce. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you
folks in Cincinnati
call that stuff you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
Chili was born and bred
in San Antonio.... and real chili never met a
tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be
brown, wet, and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she
better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the
Lakers and the
Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the
water hazards - it
spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there
with an education
plus a love for God and country, and they still wave
at passing pickups
when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines,
and Air Force than any
other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas.! " If you
do, it will get your
butt whipped by the best.
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam
Houston once said:
"Texas can make it without the United States, but
the United States can't
make it without Texas."
GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!
that want to visit.
Rules to Enter Texas:
Applies to each person as they enter Texas. Learn
'em & remember 'em.
East Coast and California-types pay particular
attention!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an
idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel
road." I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow
you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get
out of the way.
3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they
smell like to you.
They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't
like it? I-20 and I-10
go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Take
one.
4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. We're
impressed. We have
quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we
drive 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's
called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves
are coming in, we will
shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you
don't have it up to your
ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want
sushi & caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
season. It's a religious
holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of
November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all
women, regardless of
age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu.
Order steak. Or
you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2
pounds of ham &turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main
dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt,
pepper, and Pace
Picante Sauce. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you
folks in Cincinnati
call that stuff you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
Chili was born and bred
in San Antonio.... and real chili never met a
tomato!
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be
brown, wet, and served
over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she
better be cute, know
how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the
Lakers and the
Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the
water hazards - it
spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there
with an education
plus a love for God and country, and they still wave
at passing pickups
when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines,
and Air Force than any
other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas.! " If you
do, it will get your
butt whipped by the best.
17. Always remember what our great governor Sam
Houston once said:
"Texas can make it without the United States, but
the United States can't
make it without Texas."
GOD BLESS TEXAS!!!
