everyone please read this, i need some MAJOR advice

8

87grandnat

Active Member
Joined
Oct 14, 2003
before you respond to this please think out what you say, as i am in a mood to be easily influenced right now

Last couple of weeks i have been having some major problems with my girlfriend she pretty much acted like she didnt want to have anything to do with me. I work with her, and she would be cool at work but wouldnt call after work to see how i was at all. The whole time she was doing this i am thinking.....maybe she doesnt like me anymore or has found someone else. I would ask her numerous time if she was ok, or if something was bothering her, or if she needed to talk. I did everything i could to reach out to her but she left me grabbing air. I finally said, well this is enough and i can not take this anymore and told her we should go our separate ways, she tried to texted me the other day and i didnt respond because i was busy (and upset) but i texted her back last night. She called and said she wants to talk and that she would tell me whats wrong with her, i told her ok that i knew something was up but what can i do when you wont tell me anything. So she goes on to tell me that she was raped 3 weeks ago and has been acting this way because of that. She refuses to tell anyone, and i could only get certain things out of her but one of the things i did get out of her was the persons first name (she doesnt know his last) and were he goes to school at, she is not sure if he wore a condom or not nore is she sure if he "finished" With alittle effort i could find this guy and make sure he never did this again, but she or anyone else i have shared this with think its the right way to go as they think i will get carried away and wind up killing him or hurting him alot more than i planned.

Please let me know what i should do

Joshua
 
Dam dude heavy stuff.

Not to question your girlfriend, however make sure it is the real deal. I remember in school my ex pulled a stunt like this and I got drunk, and went to this guys house and nearly killed him.

Only to find out she was messing with my head. If it is true I must say, I cannot give you politically correct advice here:mad: There are so many questions, did she lead him on with the intent to have sex? did she tell him to stop? did he just take it like a animal? we need some more information.

We want to help you as much as possible, just keep in mind if the thread gets a little rough, it is not everyday you see someone post something so personal on a message board.

However, we are a small family and are willing to help. I think more information would really help.
 
First and foremost convince her to swear out a warrant against this peckerwood. Second she needs to get a checkup not only for pregnancy but HIV. Just sweeping it under the rug will only make matters worse. As far as the how this impacts your relationship with her only you can answer that,but let the law take care of it, don;t do it yourself.
 
I'd contact the police and have her press charges. Then he can get raped when his *ss is in jail! Isn't there a few songs about this very situation?
 
Originally posted by 87grandnat
before you respond to this please think out what you say, as i am in a mood to be easily influenced right now

Last couple of weeks i have been having some major problems with my girlfriend she pretty much acted like she didnt want to have anything to do with me. I work with her, and she would be cool at work but wouldnt call after work to see how i was at all. The whole time she was doing this i am thinking.....maybe she doesnt like me anymore or has found someone else. I would ask her numerous time if she was ok, or if something was bothering her, or if she needed to talk. I did everything i could to reach out to her but she left me grabbing air. I finally said, well this is enough and i can not take this anymore and told her we should go our separate ways, she tried to texted me the other day and i didnt respond because i was busy (and upset) but i texted her back last night. She called and said she wants to talk and that she would tell me whats wrong with her, i told her ok that i knew something was up but what can i do when you wont tell me anything. So she goes on to tell me that she was raped 3 weeks ago and has been acting this way because of that. She refuses to tell anyone, and i could only get certain things out of her but one of the things i did get out of her was the persons first name (she doesnt know his last) and were he goes to school at, she is not sure if he wore a condom or not nore is she sure if he "finished" With alittle effort i could find this guy and make sure he never did this again, but she or anyone else i have shared this with think its the right way to go as they think i will get carried away and wind up killing him or hurting him alot more than i planned.

Please let me know what i should do

Joshua
Click to expand...

Have her contact a Rape Counselor.
Then have her call the Police.
It's probably too late for the cops to really do much, but keep it all legal.

You can't force her to handle things, make suggestions, and let her do as she will.

Violence, is only gonna get you in trouble. She may need you, and being in jail aint gonna help her.

You might try talking to a Rape Counselor to get their advise, about what to do, or not do. They're the pros on how to deal with something like this.
 
kh440 and the others definitely have your answer. I can only imagine how you must feel, but please let the law handle it. They'll find the truth for sure. We'll be praying for you both, Bud.
 
you can not put the Genie back in the bottle............nor can she

good luck
 
replys are apprecited, She has convinced me that she is telling the truth. She said he forced himself on her and she didnt do nothing to provoke him (they were at they park with some friends, in 2 cars the guy that did it drove one car, all her friends get into the car with the person that she rode to the park with and leave, so its just her and this guy she tells him "lets go everyone is going to be waiting at soandso's house", he says "i have to pee and i dont want to leave you in the car by yourself so come with me", she goes and waits outside the restroom. When he came out he just attacked her (didnt hit her but forced himself on her) she tried to get away but he is a built guy. I am trying to get her to go take a pregnancy test right now as this was 3 weeks ago, and she was a vingin up till the time she got with me so she is affraid to tell her mother, but i am trying to get her to understand how important this is, but all she wants to do is forget about it, and this is whats really killing me.

like i said, thanks again. I have been a member of this site for awhile now and even though i havent meet any of you i still consider most of you good friends,

Joshua
 
Well I was in this same situation when I was 19, I found out that day thoug. The rape was by the person my girl (at the time) was living with but not as bf/gf but as roommates. this guy was 30 something and I had known him for a couple years already. So I went to my friends hosue and tried to get him to let me use his .38. He would not. So him, another friend and myself went to said individuals apartment. I had my girl open the door for me so I wouldnt be "Breaking and entering" He was sittingthere in a chair with a bat, someone had told him I was coming for him. I guess he was taken by surprise because he didnt have time to get the bat before I was up in his face. My 2 friends blocked the door so he couldnt get out and my g/f stood over to the side. Well I asked him wtf adn he just looked at me like some kind of idiot so I punched him in the nose. I couold see it break at the bridge and blood stared coming from the spot. When I saw that I lost it and just started whaling on his face. He fell to the floor and I picked him up and threw him through a glass coffee table. This cut the crap out of his already battered and bloody face. He sat up on the floor dazed and I got one 1 knee behind him and put a choke hold on his punk ass. Aparently it was a lil tight because all the blood vessels in his eyes burst. My g/f told me to let go of him before I killed him so after a min or 2 or choking the crap outta this punk, I let him go. I was covered in his blood from my elbows to my fingertips. I walked back toward the door and my 2 friends went over and kicked him a couple times just for good measure. The punk spent the next 2 weeks in the hospital recovering. I had broken his nose in severla places and his jaw in 3. he had severla cuts about his face from the coffee table. Looking back I am so glad my frined did not give me the gun, I would still be in jail today I am sure. However, I still geta smile on my face when I think about how bad he hurt after I got done with him and it pleases me that the pain lasted longer than it takes for a bullet to kill.

Moral of the story
Dont kill him, its not worth it, I am not saying you should go kick the crap out of him either, just sharing with you my experinece with a like situation.

Jeff
 
Im sorry,,,,,,,,,,

Thats a MAJOR blow to her mentally. Be very very supportive but give her the space she might need right now also.

Just let the legal system work it out and tell someone immediately, every day goes buy this jerk will go do it again to someone else:mad:

Ty
 
Josh,

You must not do anything yourself. It will go too far and if the authorities get involved, you WILL regret it.

As hard as it is, do the right thing and help her to open up enough to get the police involved. I hope for both of your sakes, she is telling the 100% truth. It is fairly often that a girl will have too many, cheat on her guy and then make up a cover story to deal with it.

Many girls go in to a reclusive state and do not want to tell anyone or go to the doctor or be interviewed. My wife was raped as a young teen and we have discussed things intensively. The thing that hurt her the most was that when she went to her mom, her mom did not believe her, and nothing was ever done about it.

It still causes her trust issues to this day.

How long have you known this girl? How long have you been close? Do you see yourself being with this girl in 10 years? These are things you need to consider when dealing with this.


If you stay together, and are able to keep from tracking this guy down and pulverizing him, you will always think in the back of your mind that you should. You have to try and have faith in the system and believe they will get what is coming to them one way or another. It will be an ongoing battle with yourself - but you have to know you are doing the right thing. Taking care of it yourself could quite possibly ruin the rest of your life. You have to know that and believe it.

I know. I live everyday with the fact that my son was molested by a family mamber and there has been nothing done about it. The man has moved to another state but he has never paid for his crimes.

I can not honestly tell you what I would do if I ever saw him again. I hope that I have enough courage to deal with it and not put him 6 feet under.


Vic
 
I had a friend in H.S. that had a similar situation. He waited a few weeks and got a couple of buudies to go with him and waited for him to come home one night and caught him when there was nobody around. They were all wearing ski masks. His buddies held the guy down and stripped him down and shaved him "DRY" and took his clothes so he went home naked.

Just Something you might be interested in knowing.
 
Josh,

My heart really goes out for your girlfriend and you. Alot of advice that has been given on this thread, I would also recommend.

Like others have said, definately call a 1-800 rape line and get some advice in how to not only deal with your girlfriend's emotional status but also for yourself. Im sure you may have issues in the future when it comes to intimacy again with her.

Secondly, I also agree with her getting tested for pregnancy, STD's, HIV, etc. Hopefully this idiot did wear a condom.

Just let her know that you are there for her. Tell her that you'll go to counseling with her (she is definately going to need this), maybe be there with her so she can tell her mom or maybe she might feel better if you told her mom (?). She is VERY emotionally distraught right now and medically, the body and mind go into "denial" about things and that is probably why she didnt open up right away to you. When things that traumatic happen to someone automatically they go into lockdown mode and try and bury it in their subconscious.

That is also the reason why she probably doesnt want to get the police involved because to her, she would have to live this nightmare all over again explaining it to the police and then to re-live it again in the courtroom. If she does take that route, maybe a female police officer would make her feel a little better about explaining it all.

You both are in my thoughts and prayers. Please let me know if there is anything I can do more to help.

Danielle
 
FWIW & IMHO:
I am hoping that I am totally wrong on this, and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, in this case the bearer of a very bad gut feeling, it almost sounds like she wants to break up with you, or worse yet, it sounds like she wants you to break up with her, and it also sounds like she is late.
Finding out a little more about the person that alledgelly did this might be of some help here.
I hope that I am dead wrong.
I pray that this works out for the best for both of you, regardless of how it works out.
Regardless:
rape counselor/clinic
report to Police/sheriff dept/local law enforcement
Maybe even a psychiatrist.
Good luck to both of you
 
Wells might be right.

I didnt read every response to ur post but as an expierienced primary investigator I know it is important to have background info on all parties involved in any alleged crime. Additionally, sex-related crimes without physical evidence is very hard to prove....States attorneys usually will not charge a person when the evidence is solely he said, she said type evidence. So what I'm saying is without knowing ur girlfriend, her age, her friends etc. it is hard to give sound advice except this: Please do not throw ur life away by doing something to a guy that ur girlfriend says he did. Consider all possibilities especially the ones that you dont want to believe and leave the enforcement to the authorities.
 
As much as I want to tell you to kill this sorry POS.I cant do it.

One ruined life is enough.Your poor girlfriend is going to have the memory of this for the rest of her life.You cant do anything about that now.Be supportive of her and let her know it is not her fault.She needs to know you still want her even after this.

I personally would hunt him down and make his life a living hell,he would be begging for his death.That would be too good,a guy like this needs to suffer.

She needs to press charges and then maybe big boy can end up with the wrong end of the stick...if you know what i mean.He needs to do time for this.do not let him get away,if you have to report it yourself.
 
To be totally honest to you guys the biggest thing that is holding me back from really hurting him, is the fact that i have already been in trouble with the law before for pulling a gun on someone. I now realize how stupid of a thing it was to do but it was like 4 and a half years ago and even though i have grown alot i am still paying for it, so if i was to go do what i want to do and i got caught you guys wouldnt be hearing from me for a long time. She is a very soft spoken and shy girl and she is terrified about telling anyone because she doesnt want to deal with what would happen, I dont think that she is doing this to try to break up with me or to get me to break up with her because i am the one that told her that i could not be with her anymore if she was just gonna ignore me. Then she was the one that wanted to talk to try to save our realationship.
I do see it possible that i could be with this person down the road, we have only dated for about 7 months but i have enjoyed them for the most part. At the same time i am taking into count of the long term damage that this could have on her, so i am trying to be as supportive as possible which is hard because she wont handle it the way that i want her too (tell her mom and police).
What i think i am going to do is tell her mom, which is going to be hard because she doesnt like me for she thinks i am too old (she is 18 im 23) but maybe this will get her to see my true feeling for her daughter.

I really appreciate everyones advice and help, my girlfriends name is Tasha so those of you who pray please keep her name in them. Once again thanks for everyones help. To not actually know someone you guys are second to none when it comes to kindness and treating people like family.

Joshua
 
Does she have any close female friends? If so, maybe you would want to bring them into this, simply because she would be more likely to talk to them than her mom at this point. They can also help you out in dealing with this. Younger girls are more likely to confide in close friends of the same age than their parents when it comes to things like this. Having more people around her that are supportive will help a lot. You cant push her into doing what is right, you have to be supporting and comforting, she needs to gain the confidence to do what is right for herself.

I have 2 younger sisters I worry about all the time. I dont know what I would do if I found out someone hurt either one of them.
You dont want to do anything to this guy yourself. You may hurt him badly, but you would pay for it. And, not only you, but your GF would pay for it because she loses you as her support through all this. Good luck, I really hope things turn out for the best for you and her.
 
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