My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists One list contains the names
of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq
conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain,
Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the
countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list.
Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press
secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this
evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately
and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year
alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money
into third world Hell-holes and watch those government
leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic?
Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to
redirect this money toward solving the vexing social
problems we still have at home.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations.
Screw with us and we will hunt you down and
eliminate you and all your friends from the face
of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to
terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys.
Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David
is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for
negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big
tables, too. I am ordering the immediate severing of
diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia.
Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin
towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan
with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where
those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't
care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps
have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those
tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and
limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the
world.
I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List # 2.
Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each
other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a
change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire
corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment.
I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions
sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em?
Yep, border security.
So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the
NAFTA treaty --- starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a
decent life around the world has only earned us the
undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to
eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys.
We owe you andwe won't forget. To the nations on
List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are
reading it in English, thank a soldier.
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists One list contains the names
of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq
conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain,
Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the
countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list.
Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press
secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this
evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately,
foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately
and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year
alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money
into third world Hell-holes and watch those government
leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic?
Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to
redirect this money toward solving the vexing social
problems we still have at home.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations.
Screw with us and we will hunt you down and
eliminate you and all your friends from the face
of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to
terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys.
Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David
is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for
negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big
tables, too. I am ordering the immediate severing of
diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia.
Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin
towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan
with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where
those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't
care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps
have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those
tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and
limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the
world.
I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List # 2.
Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each
other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a
change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire
corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment.
I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions
sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em?
Yep, border security.
So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the
NAFTA treaty --- starting now. We are tired of the one-way highway.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a
decent life around the world has only earned us the
undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to
eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys.
We owe you andwe won't forget. To the nations on
List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are
reading it in English, thank a soldier.
