We all need a laugh.

8

87GNSteve

Just another pretty face....
Joined
Jan 15, 2004
Share some jokes you can even tell your children...

Heres one....
Crime is getting so bad here a giant snail was robbed by two box turtles.
Upon being interviewed by McGruff the dog detective; the shaken snail was asked what had happened.
He said " It's hard to say it all happened so fast"
 
Haha, at first I thought it was jokes you CAN'T tell children.. I was like damn man, your kids must be bored as hell
 
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked."
 
A bear and rabbit cross paths in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit..."Do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit answers,"no, why?" Then the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.... Lame enough? Phil.
 
A Catholic Priest and a Baptist Preacher, in hopes of promoting harmony and a spirit of cooperation amongst the religious leaders of their small town, invited the new Rabbi to go fishing. Arriving at the lake, the trio boarded a small boat and headed for a favored fishing spot just off shore. After dropping anchor they discovered they had left the bait on shore. "No problem" said the Priest, I'll get it." The Priest hops over the side of the boat and proceeds to walk to shore, never even getting his pants wet. The Rabbi is amazed but since the Preacher didn't react, he said nothing.
After fishing a while the Preacher said he was getting thirsty and he would be right back. The Preacher hops over the side of the boat and walks to shore just as the Priest had done. He returned with drinks for everyone. Again the Rabbi didn't comment. Upon opening the drinks it was discovered they were still warm. The Priest said there was more ice in the cooler on shore. The Rabbi had been thinking and thought to himself, "If these Christian can walk on water then I surely can too!” The Rabbi said, "It's my turn, I'll get the ice." He stands up and hops over the side of the boat and immediately disappears below the surface. The Preacher looks at the Priest and said, "Shouldn't we have told him where the rocks were first?”
 
A driver was driving on the highway when he looked to the side of the road and saw,what appeared to be,seven penguins on the side of the road. He was going too fast to stop so he gets off the highway, doubles back, and gets back on the highway. There they were, seven penguins. The driver thinks to himself, how the heck did seven penguins get here on the highway? Fearing for their safety, he puts them in his car and drives off, all the while thinking what the heck he is going to do with them. Down the road, there is a trooper running radar and sees a vehicle with what appears to be penguins in the car. Intrigued, the trooper pulls the car over. The trooper walks up to the car and says to the driver: Sir, are these your penguins? The driver explains to the trooper that he found them on the side of the road and picked them up. The trooper asks: what are you going to do with them? The driver states: I dont know! The trooper says: why dont you take them to the zoo? The driver says: great idea! About a week later the same trooper is again running radar and sees a vehicle with what appears to be penguins inside a vehicle. The trooper recognizes the car and driver and penguins from a week earlier so he pulls the car over. The trooper walks up to the car and says to the driver: didn't i stop you last week? The driver says: yes, i remember you! The trooper says: didn't you have these same penguins in the car last time? The driver says: yes! the trooper says: didn't i tell you to take them to the zoo? The driver says: yes! The trooper (now frustrated) asks: so what happened?!! The driver says: well, they liked it so much, today we are going to the movies!!!!
 
One atom said to another, "I've lost an electron!"

Other atom, "are you sure?"


"I'm positive!"
 
Two brothers were building a house, the one brother watched as the other would take a nail look at it and throw it away, take another nail and use it, take another maybe use it, or maybe throw it away.
Finally he said "Why are you throwing all those nails away?"
His fustrated brother said "I think we got ripped off at the hardware store, almost half these nails are facing the wrong way!"
"You idiot!" yelled the obviously smarter brother, "Those are for the other side of the house."
 
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