Old timer quotes

[MY T FAST]

haha and i always thought that my dad was the only old crackpot to say stupid stuff like:

you'd bitch about cold ice cream.
you'd bitch if you were hung with a new rope.

a lot of the others have already been posted, but if i think of any "new" ones i'll be sure to post em.

 

[Pronto]

Sorry to hear about your Dad. My Mom's 90 and fading way too. Been on Hospice for 2 months already. She used to get mad at us kids and say chase us with a loongg shuuush (holding back sh*t) and end up with "shoot a monkey".

 

[JP112_89]

haha

An older co-worker use to say "Put your Wife and dog in a trunk for 10 minutes, then open it and see who loves you more."

 

[Dennis Kirban]

Here are ones my Dad would always say (he passed away this past April at age 83.)

Your health is your wealth

Don't tell me the problem, tell me the solution

I got some of his ashes buried by a bench I sometimes sit on by my pole building at nite....

Enjoy the time with your Dad he has left.......

denniskirban@yahoo.com

 

[terik.m]

"Nephew, I wouldnt give a b*tch a sip of milk if she was chokin on a peanut butter sandwich!"-My uncle

It's colder than a witch's nipple out here!!!- My dad

 

[boostfreak]

Haha, this is a great thread. Sorry about your father, brother. Here's a few gems from my dad and few other "old timers" I hang around.

"Bout as useful as an a**hole right here (normally point to his elbow or shoulder)

"that thing will turn on a dime and give you nine cents change"

"like a monkey trying to f*** a football"

"uglier than a bag of hammered a**holes"

"looks like 10lbs of s*** in a 5lb bag"

and my favorite, whenever something would go wrong my dad would just look up and say

"goooooooood night!"

 

[TWISTER]

Co worker would always say if he saw a hot chic...."Id give he a squirt squirt" Id say shes married. He would say " A ring dont plug a hole" pretty honest and disgusting if you think about it.


"Slicker than cat sh*t on a tin roof"
"Tighter than frog pu$$y"

Dad always refers to wd 40 as "Squirrel piss"

 

[Warp6]

You know how guys will brag about wearing out their girlfriend or wife in bed...a good reply is "you can't wear out something that makes it's own grease"

 

[chopped39]

My dad would say you could not find your azz with both hands

 

[InHock]

Warp6, told my dad what you said and I got a good laugh out of him!! He said he would have to try to remember that one! Thanks so much for adding to this post and thanks to all of the rest of you guys to!

 

[davidf]

Very sorry about your father. A man lives for 90 years and then cancer sets in. Life is weird.:frown:

 

[davidf]

Oh, my dad told me this on my 18th BD. Being 18 makes you an adult, but does not make you a grown up. You have to earn that.

 

[Dwayne]

...busier than a dog with 7 peters.................

 

[Clark6]

Well my grandmother is still living @87 as of now.

I say grandmother you don't have a boyfriend now do you??

She says " why not, Im not dead yet, I may see dirt throwed over your face first. "


Another time time she was still laying in the bed @ 11:am , she use get up at 5-6 in the morning in her younger years.
(she only has 1 leg now-(diabetes).

I said grandma!!!! You are still in the bed at this time of day??? you ought to be ashamed!!!! she said.. " I'm doing good, I could be laying in a casket @ 11 o clock in the day. " I just rolled and gave up... tickled me though.

That reminds me I need to go check on my grandmother .

 

[InHock]

I just thought of a couple more he would say often " I wouldnt spend a nickle to watch a piss ant eat a bale of hay!" and " That guy is so tight he will rub two nickles together till the buffalos fart before he spends any money!" He always has something to say!!

 

[charlief1]

My ex business partner use to say "You'd rub two buffalo Nickels together till they sh!t". My response was "and then bag it so I could sell it".:biggrin:

 

[speedskills]

Sorry to hear about your dad. Here's some. Boy your lower than whale turds in the ocean. (Journeyman while I was an apprentice). Yall look like 3 poodles effing an umbrella.(Uncle). You can't shine a turd. (Granpa). A bird in hand is better than 2 in the bush (makes sense). Didn't know they could stack crap that tall.(Grandpa)

 

[gunslinger]

"You can wish in one hand and sh!t in the other. Tell me which one fills up faster".

When I would complain about being the youngest in the family and things not being fair for me he'd tell me "Sh!t rolls down hill".

 

[Mark T-TB]

We always used to include "in a brass bra." to the one about the witches t!t and the cold.

When asked "Do you smoke", one of my buddies always answered: "Only when I'm on fire".

Mark

 

[turbo nasty]

"First time my bad, Second time your bad, shouldnt be a third time."

"Wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first"

"Hotter than a 4 balled tomcat"

"Hotter than a 3 peckered billygoat"

"Faster than a scalded ape"