Motavating A Teenager?

[Little6pack]

I remember the years of 13,14,15 All I could think of was girls, cars & lack of money.. And I suked at school just look at my spelling.

My wife is on my sons case because he got a 82 which netted him a C grade. He is in private school & never brought home a C ever.

So for this 3rd term he has dropped out of honors list.
She is all over his case which makes him grow more distant.

I on the other hand took the casual aproach & don't ride him about the C.
All I told him was good report card & he knows what I expect.

I made a 1 minute speech telling him he will have to deal with his teacher as an adult.
Better off to start now than delay any future problems with teachers or this current teacher he doesn't like.

Am I correct in not riding him about what is has happened?

 

[equalizer442]

my dad was alot like you are cept he was to lazy to give me a 1 min speach but my mom was hitler in a dress. i used to make alot of bad choices, bad grades, fighting, never got in to drugs thow but after a while my mom gave up on me. best dang thing that ever happined. after she stoped riden my ass i started making a's and b's. i did fail a year thow because i was to intrested in lunch time, thats when i would take what ever girl friend i had at the time and go make out in one of the back stairs wells. but after i became a motor head i did not have to worrie about that

 

[blackbuick87]

You and your wife need to be on the same page. Cant have one hawking the kid and another letting him be himself, because he will just end up angry at his mother, and may think you dont care. Present a unified front to him, and find out why it happened.

Tell your wife to chill out too, maybe the teacher was just a d*ck. 1 C will have zero effect on the rest of his life, trust me. But her attacking him can have a very negative effect over the long term

But what do I know, my kids only 2

 

[Little6pack]

Originally posted by blackbuick87
You and your wife need to be on the same page.

She want's me on her page..

She does the same harping on me because of him...
It is not always school work too..

She gets on his case about wearing a helmet when he rides his bike around.

I figure he is going through the I AM INVINCIBLE STAGE!
I remember those days all too well.

I hated when my DAD would lecture me.. the more lecturing the more rebelling.. That is why I want to stay on his good side.

 

[blackbuick87]

She wants your 15 year old kid to wear a helmet when he's riding his bike ?

She needs therapy.

Seriously I think she needs to talk to some people. Either internet chat rooms, counselor, her mother, SOMEBODY. Its obvious she wont agree with you, she needs another perspective.

When my wife doesnt listen to me I usually point her to her mother. I am lucky to have a reasonable mother in law

You're right in that the more she hawks him, the more of an opposite effect it will have

 

[Little6pack]

Well she realizes what it takes in life to make it by.

She is trying to motivate him at this stage.
I have told her that teens need space & time to grow.
This is a tough stage to motivate

Guess she is afraid that dipping marks will hurt his chances
of going into college down the road.

I have told her to take a chill pill..

 

[equalizer442]

Guess she is afraid that dipping marks will hurt his chances of going into college down the road.

college is not for every one, i would not force him to do any thing. I "HAD" a college fund one time but i spent it on a pair of classic buicks and a 442 . around here we have this program called AYEA that puts you in to a dealership of your choice and gives you 3500 or so in tools to get you started and you get payed to take shop in high school. from there the dealership will pay in full for your education at places like nashville auto desiel ALSO on top of that once you make it threw nad you get another 3500 in tools. theres a real shortage of mechanics around here and if you play your cards right you can get your education payed for in FULL, get payed to take shop in high school, get a 7 grand tool bonus, and theres even one dealer around here thats paying 26 bucks a hour stright out of nad and they pay for it all to boot as long as you work for them for atleast a year afterwards. i thaught that was bs but i called and checked on it and it was correct but i think i will go with a dealer that has better bennifets and retirement even though i wont make as much starting out.

 

[gn85]

Negative and positive..

Your kids around the middle school age??

Forget it... you are lucky that your kid is doing reasonably well in school. This IS a rough time in your kids life. I wouldn't even be surprised to see a few more "C"s in his time. But what you're wife is doing can actually lend to the problem...

As a former middle school teacher, I'll tell you this... I couldn't appreciate it enough when a parent would involve themselves in their kids education. But I also saw many cases where parents would resort to a negative reinforcement. That would actually lead students to come into school and complain to their teacher about their parents... as if we can change THEM.

There are plenty of ways to modify behavior at this age level. Considering it sounds like you have a kid that is already an academically motivated student, I think you've got your work cut out for you. A "C" for your kid is a set back.. not a failure. I would be on your kids side, working with him not against him. Help him to work with setbacks, failures and personalities that he may not agree with. THAT will take him further in life than your wifes hawking him.

This is not the time to be the Hitler on your kids bad side. Positive reinforcements will get you further from what it sounds like.

Hope that helps.

 

[Pronto]

When I have to motivate my son, I tell him of all the oppertunities he has and all he has to do is apply himself. I tell him of all the screwups I made. I could be making 3 times the money I do now and tell him why I don't. He has expensive tastes in clothes, cars and stereos. He likes to look at large houses and say he's going to have one like that. I tell it's all up to him. His goal is Babson College . He brought home his report card today and missed high honors by a B+ in physics, not his bag. My wife goes along with me since she knows he relates to my likes/dislikes more than hers. I would guess she's not relating to him well at this time in his life. It's tough to stike a balance between being a parent and being a friend.

 

[Demon]

As a current special ed teacher in a middle school, all I can say is that gn85 hit it right on the head. You have a motivated child - that's 99% of the battle.

My advice - consult with the teacher on ways to improve. It goes a long way in helping your child succeed. The biggest part of my advice is to work WITH the teacher, not against him. It just may make the difference.

 

[gn85]

Demon has another good point...

Definately try talking to the teacher. Finding out what the teacher expects and what will help your kid excel in that teachers class will not only give your kid hints to bring the grades up, but also show that you are not AGAINST your kid. That will show that you are concerned but not angry or disappointed. I used to teach what's called "Alternative Education" which is not special education, but has some ties. A lot of times, I used to do pretty well when students knew that I'd be an advocate for them in rough times. But my students also had to prove that they wanted success too. Sounds like your kid already has that part bagged. You'll both do alright in this.

Tell your kid, you know of cool teachers that drive Turbo Buicks to work with loud rumbling exhausts. Demon, I'm working with adult education now... talk about night and day from teaching middle school, special needs. Keep it up... there's not enough of us to go around.

 

[GNX]

Talk to the teacher.

Ask your son why his grades slipped (from his point of view) and what you can do to help him.

Other than academic issues, speak to your son about what other problems may interfere with his learning...Example...is anyone threatening him or bullying him?

Has he been taken for a physical lately? It could be his vision or other problems.

If he isn't comfortable talking to you or your wife about it, find a close friend, relative, or professional to talk to.

Maybe he has reached a plateau in a particular subject and needs some additional tutoring.

You can't play good cop bad cop as parents. You have to work as a team. Lay out a plan and work it. Sometimes you might have to check with each other before giving advice or counsel.

In many cities it's the LAW that you wear a helmet when you ride a bike, so what's the big deal? Cut knees, messed up hands and elbows suck---not to mention having your head splattered if you're hit and thrown against a curb. If you talk to him and explain how much his well being means to you and your wife, it could make a difference. Kids forget (hormones) so don't holler, just remind.

If I sound a bit like "Dear Abby" all I can say is that it worked for me with my two kids. They were both on the dean's list in college and they even got C's (in private grammer school)occasionally.

 

[LeesGN]

I definately agree that you did the right thing, i'm just finishing up high school, so i still get the occasional grade riding. My mom is a pure nazi about grades. I'm not a very good student, but if i applied myself i could be(sounds clique i know) My mom will keep ranting and raving if a get a bad grade, which just creates resentment, and doesn't make me want to change, it just makes me stand offish. My dad however is much cooler, much more calm and talks to me about it, not just yelling and not letting me explain. I very much support your approach to talking to the kid like an adult, not yelling and chastising them like an animal.

 

[fitz3820]

He sounds like a good kid, I did pretty well in school and learned more than my grades reflected, everyone in High School compared SAT scores and class rank etc.

My dad is a teacher and used to tell me "Don't worry about grades too much, just learn something"

It is true, I aced college (did better than some of the "smart kids" from high school) and grew into being a well rounded student.


As long as he is interested in something and has some passion, (hobbies etc.) I would not worry about a few C's. Failing is something different - from my experience it was pretty difficult to fail a class if effort was applied.

Good luck,

Mark F.
87 GN 11.9@ 115

 

[BLACK6PACK]

My mom was validictorian of her HS class, my dad was 2nd to her. My mom has a masters in education, my dad has a Dr. in Veterinarian Medicine. Then never harped on me or got on my case. They did expect me to get good grades, and I felt as though I let them down if I didn't. On the other hand if they were to harp on me about something, that made me want to rebel even more.

The point is, at that age, giving the kid a hard time is going to make him more distant and want to cause more trouble, but when I dissapointed my parents, I really tried to do better.