Originally posted by Chris McDade
Moderator please delete this thread.
Delete my toenail thread??
NEVER. This will go down in history as "The Case of the Missing Toenail."
And to get this thread back on it's feet, (hehehe) and since I know you're all sitting on the edges of your seats waiting for the next chapter.....
Chapter Two.
As the day progressed the pain returned. And although Chris knew he was risking a life of addiction he was forced to take his fourth pill in the afternoon.
As the pain medicine entered his bloodstream and the pain subsided Chris wiped the sweat from his eyes and the tears from his brow then lifted himself up from the kitchen floor, where his thrashing about had brought a shine to the tile, thinking, hey, I can make some money selling floor polish.
Chris hated that he'd had to succumb to the pull of the drug and he swore he'd never take another pill in his life. He threw the rest of pills in the toilet.... then spent the next 1/2 hour getting them out and drying them off, realizing that they had cost him $5.00. Finding an old empty container that had previously held his wife's birth control pills, he put them in and hoped he would remember to tell her.
With the pain gone Chris was able to soak his bloody foot and remove the bandage. The wound was now an oozing mess, a mixture of red and yellow. Gangrene had set in. Examining it closer Chris realized it wasn't gangrene, he had just found his ketchp and mustard sandwich from yesterday that he'd been eating while he had bandaged his toe.
"Ah good," he smililngly chuckled as he carefully pried the sandwich off and put it on a plate, now knowing his supper was prepared.
He turned the bandage over and tied it back around the big toe. It stayed in place quite nicely since the ketchup was partially dried out and made a nice glue.
During this rebandage job Chris had been sitting in his easy chair, which he lovingly called Baaaaaa, named after his first girlfriend. It was one of those easy chairs that you have to lean on the back of the cushion to get it to recline, but this particular chair was somewhat broken so the method to use to get it to recline was for the sittee to put his foot under the footrest and lift up on that. When Chris did that, of course forgetting his toe was mangled, the intense pain was immediate and irrevocable. Chris screamed out loud, his body straightened up and it pushed against the back of the chair. The chair reclined; Chris fell back. As fate would ironically dictate, the big toe on his other foot, the good foot, was now pinched inbetween the scissor type braces that held the footrest to the chair.
Chris' little brain was now so enraged with pain from both feet that he passed out.
He lay there until his wife came home from her jobs, (she used to only have one job until Chris kindly got her a second job, a paper route so she would have something to do on her way to her first job,) and found Chris laying there, still passed out and close to death.
Chris' wife ran to the neighbor's house to use their phone since they always paid their bill and their phone was still working, and phoned 911. The dispatcher asked what the emergency was and Chris' wife frantically yelled that her husband was passed out and laying on Baaaaaaaa. There was a silence, then the dispatcher icily told her not to joke around on a 911 line and hung up.
Chris' wife ran back to make sure Chris was still breathing and found he had revived and was now sitting up comfortably, eating his mustard and ketchup sandwich. However, with horror, she also noticed there were a pair of big toes sticking out from between the slices of bread in Chris' sandwich.
"Aaaaahhhhhhgggggg," screamed Chris' wife. "What are those things you're eating?"
"Nothing fancy" replied Chris, I decided I wanted my sandwich toested."
