Thanks all.
Being marriage is 50/50, this isn't all her fault. When I got back from Iraq, I was taking some pretty heavy meds. My job was to work with Mortuary Affairs cleaning blow up vehicles of body parts and sanitize them for retrograde. Not a fun job considering we lost 84 soldiers during our deployment and two I had to "clean up" after, I knew personally. Wife asked several times of me to be more involved with her but I think the meds numbs whatever feelings/drive I had so I just didn't listen.
Now since she dropped the "nuclear option" I got off the meds, better to feel everything than nothing at all, and trying to get more involved. Spent 17 grand on her for a mommy make over in May before she turned 40. Several other guys in the guard unit with similiar backgrounds ( Field grade officers like myself with 12-16 years of marriage and kids) got the same speech and they are working it out. Can't understand why she won't.
Our marriage therapist thinks this could work, but she is that type to not change her mind even when she know it going to wreck both us. Hoping the therapist can help her see that you can change your mind and not seem weak. I don't know, maybe she having a mid-life crisis.
Anyways, I can get another car if this works out. If not, I'll try going back active duty. To many bad memories to stay around here plus the kids can live on base with me.