The Joke Thread, Post Your Jokes Here...

GNflyby

The Video Guy
Joined
Mar 26, 2002
Two men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful, how does it feel to freeze to death?" says the first. "It's very uncomfortable at first, you get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How did you die?" says the second. "I had a heart attack", says the first guy. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "that's so ironic" he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive." :biggrin:
 
What does Michael Jackson's Never Neverland and Wal-MArt have in Common...














Little Boy's pants are half off..... :eek:
 
Well if your gonna go there...



What does Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common?








40 year old meat between 15 year old buns.



SORRY IN ADVANCE
 
how do you know its bed time at Michael Jacksons house














when the big hand touches the little hand
 
Once upon a time, two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually asked Tim, “Hey Tim, what're you in for?”
“I'm getting my tonsils out -- I'm a little worried,” said Tim.

“Oh don't worry about it. I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got to eat all the ice cream and jello I wanted for two weeks!”

“Oh yeah?'' replied Tim. “That's not half-bad. Hey, Sammy, how about you? What're you here for?”

“I'm getting a circumcision, whatever that is,” Sammy answered.

“Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I couldn't walk for two years!”
 
Michael Jackson goes to the beach. Some lady ask's him, "Please get out of my son".


A reporter calls Michael Jackson to get a statement. She gets his answering machine. It say's "Sorry I cannot take you call, but please leave your name and home room number".
 
How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party?





By all the Big Wheels in his driveway.

Jason :eek:
 
Here we go .. WARNING VERY DISTASTEFUL>>> Two homosexual lovers living together, one day the one guy comes home from work only to find his lover is in bed moaning an groaning in pain. He ask's whats wrong?? The guy says "there's something up my butt an its killing me"!! He says what do you want me to do? He tells him to run his hand inthere an see if he can find what it is.. Well he does an finds nothing. Next the guy says I know theres something in there you just need yo go deeper. So he tells him to go inthe bathroom an get some vaseline an lube up his arm. Of course he does an comes back an there he goes in all the way an says I think I got something!! The guys moans an groans an says pull it out.. An so he does an what do you know there a brand new Rolex on his wrist.. then lover proceeds to sing Happy Birthday To You!!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :tongue: :tongue: :eek: :eek:
 
For all my Georiga friends...

Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a
different place: Idaho, Nebraska, Georgia, and Mexico.

Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho
started pulling potatoes out of her bag and throwing them out of the window. "What the hell are you doing?" demanded the
Nebraskan. "We have so many of these ***-damned things in Idaho, I'm just sick of looking at them!"

A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn
from her bag and tossing them from the window. "What the hell are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Georgia. "We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!"

Inspired, the gal from Georgia opened the car door and pushed the Mexican out.
 
RUQWKNF27 said:
Here we go .. WARNING VERY DISTASTEFUL>>> Two homosexual lovers living together, one day the one guy comes home from work only to find his lover is in bed moaning an groaning in pain. He ask's whats wrong?? The guy says "there's something up my butt an its killing me"!! He says what do you want me to do? He tells him to run his hand inthere an see if he can find what it is.. Well he does an finds nothing. Next the guy says I know theres something in there you just need yo go deeper. So he tells him to go inthe bathroom an get some vaseline an lube up his arm. Of course he does an comes back an there he goes in all the way an says I think I got something!! The guys moans an groans an says pull it out.. An so he does an what do you know there a brand new Rolex on his wrist.. then lover proceeds to sing Happy Birthday To You!!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :tongue: :tongue: :eek: :eek:
Wish I wouldnt have read that... :eek:

Jason
 
mama jokes

your mother is so bald that when she wears a turtle neck shirt she looks like a busted condom.
 
Did you hear about the house that 2 lesbians built?












All tongue and groove...not a stud in it. :biggrin:
 
two guys and a pollock signed up to help with an experiment to see how long someone could survive in the desert with only the items that person could carry.


one guy has several bottles of water,food,and a sleeping bag

second guy carries only water and a small amount of food

they look and see the pollock coming and he's carring a car door...they ask,dude why do you have a car door?






so i can roll down the window if it gets too hot!!!! :biggrin:
 
Indian name

A guy asks an old Indian his wife's name.
The old Indian says, "Her called Three Horse."
The guy asks him why he calls her Three Horse.
The old Indian says, "Nag, Nag, Nag!"
 
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