help-wife wants to become massage therapist

tomcatturbo

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2005
Hi all,

My wife recently approached me to ask me about going back to school. She's 45, and a licensed hair stylist. She has been a stay at home Mom, and I make a good living, so she's been staying home for the last 4 years with my little one.

She approaches me 1st about becoming a medical assistant, and I was very happy about a choice in the medical field. However, the other day we went to the Restaurant, and she tells me she's very interested in possibly going to a massage therapy school to possibly become a massage therapist. This I personally found to be unacceptable, and I'll tell you why. Please give your opinions and possible experiences. I'd be happy to hear any pros, cons, etc

Pro's
1.) Good for cash money/tips - If you work hard and build a clientele I guess this can be profitable. However, it really depends on where you work, if there's overhead, and how you're paid.
2.) Can usually make your own schedule.
3.) I would be benefit from her schooling, as I would end up probably getting the best and free massages.

CONS:
1.) Men who would expose themselves to her in a private setting. I once dated a very professional massage therapist who told me from time to time, a very "professional" client would act completely out of line, and immediately or very subtlly expose his private parts to her. She would sometimes get pretty upset, however, she truly admitted to me it was sort of intriguing that men can go to that level.
2.) Very intimate contact: I feel that no matter what, if an attractive woman is massaging your upper/lower back, legs, thighs, shoulders and chest (front part of oody), there's no way that avoiding the natural is avoidable. Just the thought of that drives me insane, and I explained to my wife that it's not what "she can control" , but truly what she "can't control." Men have a mind/testosterone of their own.
3.) Physical aspect of the job: Massage therapists can sometimes work their hands off literally. My wife has had carpal tunnel problems in the past from holding scissors all day and scrubbing heads in the sink, nevermind having to squeeze and kneed a persons body/muscles for long periods of time. It can be a very tough job sometimes for a massage therapist.
4.) Insurance and Benefits: I know for sure that a massage therapist has a hard time obtaining any type of great medical plan with benefits, unless they work for some large medical office/corporation or hotel.
5.) Trust Issues: My wife assures me to trust her, but that's almost like a stab in my heart in a sense. I have thoughts of her going into a private sessionn with candles, and soft new age music and massaging some muscular guy- and him moaning like he's having intercourse while my wife sincerely can't wait to get home to her husband and 2 small kids....
6.) Hotel Room Massages, Massages at Home, Etc: What happens if a client says to her, can you please come to my hotel room and give me a massage? What happens if my wife ever decided to try and take it one step further and bring a client to our home while I'm out working or whatever? I'm sorry, but I won't even entertain these thoughts or give them a chance to ever come to fruition.

Bottom Line- this is ridiculous. I find it unacceptable, and if she's playing chicken with our marriage then I'll tell her it's ok for her to go to school, but when she graduates the "ONLY" person she'll massage would be me her husband and my family members. Anything else is unacceptable, and I would find her being passive aggressive in the sense that she's looking herself for a way out of our marriage. I'm willing to go to counseling to help change her mind for her career path, but I'm standing my ground.

Massage Therapy isn't a true medical field practice. Physical and Occupational therapy is. Becoming a Medical assistant of some sort is. They have a couple of really good programs here in Tampa/Lakeland Florida are for these growing and much needed fields. Also, there's room for advancement in the medical field now, and for the future.

Massage therapy is also become saturated. Quick schooling, flooded field, many not even massage therapist, but "aroma therapists, lava rock healers, and the whole Body RUB clones."

I needed to share this. Please leave me your thoughts, comments and opinions. Also, how would "You Feel if your wife wanted to become a massage therapist?"

Thank You - also you can pm or e-mail me any info or thoughts. I'm completely private and confidential.
 
I guess it depends on which setting she goes into.

An actual Masseuse like at a salon/country club.. NO F'N WAY.

But (not sure on the differences in schooling), an actual "Therapist".. in a physical therapy setting(like for idiots that bulge L4 and L5 for chasing a fkn cat out from under a bed).. I could deal with.

Good luck..
 
My wife works at an upscale hair salon, thier massage therapist makes from 45 to 90 dollars an hour with no happy ending.
I wish my wife did that instead of hair.
 
While it would bother me also if my wife decided to rub other guys...I did notice you said "the last 4 years with my little one." as opposed to "our" little one.

Now, not knowing if you had the child before marrying your current wife..that seemed a little strange to me and my first thought was you are not that emotionally attached to your wife.

I'm just sayin :)
 
I would go with Medical Assistant. It sounds more professional than "Message Theropy."

Don't mean to jack your thread but I had to quote this:

" I once dated a very professional massage therapist who told me from time to time, a very "professional" client would act completely out of line, and immediately or very subtlly expose his private parts to her. She would sometimes get pretty upset, however, she truly admitted to me it was sort of intriguing that men can go to that level. "

Are you kindding me? What's the difference between that and just exposing yourself in public to a complete stranger. Women find this attractive? Man, I don't get out enough.
 
Easy Turbo, don't forget how trying to tell someone what they can or can't do can throw fuel on the fire. You may end up driving her to want to become a massage therp. more than she really wanted to. I would let it cool off for a week or so, and see if she is really serious of if this is just a passing fancy.

If you really don't want her to do this, then just be honest with her and tell her how and why you feel the way you do. Best thing is to leave as much of the jealousy or non trust out of the conversation.
 
I think that being an adult, she has the right to do whatever job she want to do. This being said, it all comes down to TRUST into each other. If one day a customer does gets "out of line" with her, you gotta believe her when she says that she's not into that kind of behavior. Look at this as being a test of the bond between you and her. It will be even more solid after that, knowing that she will never accept doing such things. If she says that she won't get involved into these illicit activities, give her the benefit of the doubt, showing her how much you trust her...but trying to stop or discourage her will be like telling her "I don't trust you". Think how she'll feel if you tell her that!...You also may be reacting this way because YOU do not have enough confidence in yourself...She knows where to draw the line between what's right and wrong...do you??

Claude.
 
I think that being an adult, she has the right to do whatever job she want to do. This being said, it all comes down to TRUST into each other. If one day a customer does gets "out of line" with her, you gotta believe her when she says that she's not into that kind of behavior. Look at this as being a test of the bond between you and her. It will be even more solid after that, knowing that she will never accept doing such things. If she says that she won't get involved into these illicit activities, give her the benefit of the doubt, showing her how much you trust her...but trying to stop or discourage her will be like telling her "I don't trust you". Think how she'll feel if you tell her that!...You also may be reacting this way because YOU do not have enough confidence in yourself...She knows where to draw the line between what's right and wrong...do you??

Claude.


Very good point....... plus some girls want to be told "NO" so they can go do what ever they want just to spite you. my ex wife was this way:mad:

Sometimes you just have to open the cage and let em out, if they go forever maybe it wasnt meant to be..... but if they come back.. then you know there is something worth charishing. Take it with a grain of salt and believe in her feelings and desires too.

What if she told you that she didnt want you driving a GN because it picked up girls like free money....... how would you feel?

:confused: A.j.
 
I once dated a massage therapist but we broke up.... because she rubbed me the wrong way :)
 
Look at this from her point of view also...She has been a stay at home mom for the last 4 years of her life. She is wanting to get back into the working scene. This could be because she is wanting to get out of the house from time to time and do her part for income into the house hold. I am not saying to tell her to go for it but if i have learned one thing this year about relationships it is comunication and trust mean everything. if she tells you that she can draw the line then trust her enough to do it. If it bothers you at all talk to her about the pros and cons you listed above. Talk about them all and let her respond with an answer. If you dont like the answer explain why. If you just flat out tell her no i dont want you to do this because i said so then you are gonna drive her away from talking to you. This is my opinion though. Just make sure that you both talk about it and you never know you may find it to be a good idea. Harry
 
Once she gets her license sent her my way, I'll give here a good TIP. :eek: , JK man, there is no way she will be able to hang with the job, if she cant even hold a set of siccors she will not be able to give a massage or it will only last a few weeks before she starts to complain or quits for sure, let her find out for herself because if you dont she will hold it against you forever.. thats my 2cents.
 
I have a lot of respect for good therapists. The one I used to go to helped me recover from the massive surgery I went through years ago. Would I want my woman in that field? No. My ex was an RN and I heard too many stories about inapropriate behavior. If she has carpel now, it will only get worse doing massages.
 
It really sounds like you have some SERIOUS trust issues with your wife. This is much deeper than her wanting to get a job IMHO.
 
"This is a joke"

I hope this story does not have a happy ending...:eek:


To be real, I hope you work this out.
God, that sounds like a massage joke too.
I am just going to stop typing now.
 
If this is for real I'd say no freaking way, this will have an adverse affect on your marriage, as you are already seeking outside help with this issue. While stationed in Korea (is Korea even relevant) there were many Massage/Steam rooms on post in the early 1980's. We did call them "Steam and Cream" for a reason. Why would I want my wife to have her hands all over another man's body for mainly his pleasure. Those of you that would not have an issue with this do not really love their wive's, unless you have a fantasy of seeing your wive's hands all over another man. Put your foot down and tell her Hell No! There are certain things in a marriage that you should not do, and this is one of them. Now if she were a Massage Therapist prior to you getting married, then her having that job was a part of the package that you would have to accept. Let me ask you, could you in all honesty massage lots of women (an occasional "Hotty" as well) an not have carnal thoughts? ;)
 
Personally speaking.. I dont feel "all-right" having my wife give some sweaty dude a rub down of any kind for any amount of money. :D

Even if he's not sweaty :p

One of them "deal breakers" :redface:
 
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