Help me cope with this pain!

getdowngranny

Mr. Fix It
Joined
Jan 8, 2006
This past Sunday May 3 2015 was the hardest, worst, and most painful day of my life. My son Joseph Alexander was born at 21 weeks and lived in my arms for 3 hours. He was a beautiful angel and filled my heart with so much love I didn't know I was capable of having. He passed right after he was baptized and I know he is in heaven. My wife and I have cried so much. I have been taking this extremely hard. As I write this I am shaking because of the pain I feel in my heart. It is hard for me to express myself but I am doing this for my son. There is nothing more in this world that I want more than to be a father. I held him so tight and I did not want to let him go. I built a room for him, built his furniture, and had plans to drive him around in the Buick. I don't know how to handle this pain. I have been to war, I have seen the worst of humanity when I was a law enforcement officer, and have been through my fair share of hard times. But this is different. The pain I feel is so much. I am sorry I have used the forum to release myself but I feel this will help. I will be picking up his remains today and I hope I have the strength to cope with my pain. Any words of encouragement will help. Thank you guys.


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OMG brother, I'm so terribly sorry for your family's loss. I wish I knew something more to say to help you but I'm truly at a loss. I do believe you did the right thing by sharing your pain with us...it will help and we are here for you and yours!

You guys didn't make a baby....you made an angel. I don't know if that makes sense but I hope it does.
 
Unfortunately I know your pain too. I lost a adult child a year and a half ago. It's still very hard to even talk about it.
I promise you will get through this. I don't think the pain will ever go away but it will change. I know talking helps when you're ready to. You putting this on here shows your strength.
My comfort is my son was saved and I know he is in heaven too. We will get to see them again.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
 
Im very sorry for your loss. I wish I knew what to say. I can say one thing, Joseph Alexander is your new Guardian Angel. Your family is in our prayers.
 
I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in the right state of mind if you are willing to talk and share. Stay strong, and keep communicating your feelings. Hang in there, I will be praying on my end.

"You guys didn't make a baby....you made an angel." I believe this as well!
 
WOW im am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what your going through, but I could only imagine if I lost my baby girl. as an active LEO we are brothers part of the thin blue line and as a member on this forum your family WE ARE HERE. I see this all the time and it hits home. all I can say is please please please talk let out what is on your chest. sometimes talking to a stranger helps more than talking with family. just know your baby is in a better place and no longer suffering. if you need anything and I can help please call or text me 917-337-3096
Pete
 
It is so hard. He was alive in my hands and there was nothing I or anyone else could do for him. I never wanted to let go. I cant keep it together for more than a few hours. I picked him up in his urn today and I have been breaking down further. This is not the way he was supposed to come home with me. I was going to care for him and love him so much. I am hurting so bad like never before. I don't want to bring pain into this forum but I feel this is a release. I can't talk or write about it without breaking down. But I feel I need to. I am the type that keeps everything in and I am very private but this is different. I can't do this holding it in. I slept with his baptism blanket last night and it helped me keep it together through the night.


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I can't imagine the pain brother, I'm sorry for your loss. I don't know how I would handle losing one of my children, it's hard to even think about. Hang in there, I think you're doing the right thing venting and letting the pain out. You are in our prayers.
 
Sorry to hear of your great loss.
You and family will be in my prayers.

Mike B.
 
I cant begin to imagine . So sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
 
I am so sorry Jose. I can not imagine, your in my thoughts brother.
 
Keep talking with us and others. You are at the beginning of very normal feelings for the greatest loss in your life. There are five stages of immense feelings you will experience. Every grieving person goes through them...and differently.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/000617

Keep very tight with your family and friends and religious acquaintances. They are all your support system and you will need them. This moment is exactly why they are in your life.

We are all thinking of you and your family our GN Brother.
 
Sorry to hear of your loss. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.
 
Unfortunately I know how you feel and the only thing that will help heal the pain is time. Thoughts are with you and your family.
 
Oh man, sorry for your loss. Hang in there.
 
So sorry for your loss brother, knowing that you are a God fearing man, the only thing you can do is look on the bright side. God has a better plan for him. He is up there watching over you brother. Stay strong for your wife, some day you will be able to see him again. Remember we are here only for a short period time until we all reunite again!

God bless
Prasad
 
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