psycho6cyl
Ponies Are For Lil Girls
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2005
Found this and thought it was perfect. Im ready to buy 
BEST JEEP AD EVER!!!Best Jeep ad ever,“1997 Jeep Cherokee (XJ)220K Miles4.0 L in-line 64WDAUTOMATIC TransmissionBright RedStraight StockCrank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delaywiper, no nonsensePOWER MIRRORS! Woo Hoo!$1750Here’s the deal, kids:This is a Jeep Cherokee. This is not a luxurySUV, or a maintenance-free disposableimport. It has solid front axles, wind noise,and character.It’s a Jeep. It rides like a Jeep. It drives likea Jeep. All of these are GOOD things.It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. Thiswill be apparent in the pictures.If you do not own a toolbox, have neverchanged your own oil, and are scared offirearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you have been posting on facebook allabout how excited you are for pumpkin latteseason: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you get offended easy and often, whine toyour co-workers, and bitch a lot: THISVEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you feel you are owed anything in theworld & have a bullshit job where you fail toproduce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you own a bieber album, white oakleys,affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assedstitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOTFOR YOU.If you consider the 2nd Amendment ananachronistic relic and have never owned afirearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL andconsider adverse weather an excuse to dostupid shit: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?Have you ever uttered the words, “Hold mybeer and watch this …”?While bored at work do you pick targets atrandom and think, “I could hit that from herewith the .22 …”?Have any of your friends quit hanging outbecause you were too much fun?Do you have the number of a friend with cashmemorized for bail?When you pass an abandoned flatbed farmtruck along a fenceline do you consider takingon another project?Is your ol’ lady really sick of the random pilesof parts, greasy footprints, and empty beerbottles in the garage?-could you not care less?Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptopAND smartphone?Do you own a service manual for everyvehicle you ever owned?Do you still miss your first ride?Can you carry on a two hour conversationdiscussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?Remember when tool companies had theballs to put half-naked beauty queens ontheir calendars?Do you consider the Prius an abominableaffront to the Gods of displacement, torque,and All Mighty Internal Combustion?If you answered in the affirmative to thepreceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.DETAILS:-I am the second owner. First owner barelygot it dirty and engaged the front axles once.-I have remedied this excessive caretakingwith muddy roads and a pile of fun.-The motor uses a little oil. How much? Idon’t know, I’m not collecting statisticalanalysis points.I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive. Notenough to bother me.-It leaks a little oil. How much? Not enoughfor me to care. It has 220,000 miles,Poindexter!If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leakingor burning oil, it’s empty!-Rear bumper has a big-ass crease in it. Idented it backing into a concrete pole. Sober.We drove away giggling, for the record.Haven’t fixed it.-Driver’s side door was caught by the wind,whipped forward, got into the LF quarterpanel.-Radiator has a small leak. Pinhole. I canreplace the radiator or you can. Reallydoesn’t matterA new radiator and hoses will run $145. Ifyou don’t want to replace them I will.Add $250 to the price of vehicle. Thisincludes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer). Afreaking bargain.-The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line sixstarts and runs like the proverbial champ.-Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly-Tires will need replaced in a couple thousandmiles. I haven’t upgraded because I hadplans:Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17″Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.Life got in the way – it ain’t happening.-Zombie stickers on the right rear windowstay. My daughter’s idea, take it up with her.-Flogging Molly sticker stays as well. They kickass, so there.QUESTIONS:-Why are you selling?I can’t justify owning it anymore.Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beerhave consumed my time and money.Someone else needs to appreciate the Jeepfor what it is: awesome mechanical artistry.-What’s wrong with it?Radiator. Small oil leaks. Driver’s side doorcosmetic issues.And it’s pissed it has been neglected andparked. It needs rescued.-Does the 4WD work?Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / reardoor / axle / etc.]?No. I’m not in the salvage business. Buy theJeep. Love the Jeep. Give the Jeep a home.-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid lownumber here]?No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] Iwould have asked [ridiculously low number]Want a cheap car? Get your kid that loweredtuner piece of shit honda project down theroad.I think I’m plenty cheap for this bad mofo.-Why is it still stock?Because I bought it for a daily driver with theintention of turning it into a project.I haven’t had the time to do so. So I amselling it.-Can I put a 6″ lift and giant tires on it?I don’t give a shit. But be sure to use qualitycomponents and for God’s sake – get italigned after a lift!-Would this make a good car for mydaughter?Hell. Yes. Not only a good car, a learningexperience. Introduction to vehicularmaintenance.Additionally, there isn’t really enough room inthe back for that little bastard she’s dating totry anything.-Can you deliver?Within reason. I’d drive it a hundred miles orso. But really, you should come get it. Lookit over. Have a beer. Etc.-Will you take a check / cashier’s check /Western Union Transfer / Nigerian PromissoryNote?Would you take a ball pein hammer to theforehead?No. I’ll take Cash. Period. Bring cash ordon’t show.-Will you ship to -?No. See above.-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollaramount]?That’s great, I don’t give a shit. Unicef ain’trunning this deal, and until they do I want$1750.Why? Because I don’t HAVE to sell this littlebeauty. Truth be known, I’d rather keep it.But if it’s going to a good home – I will sell.Unless you’re an asshole – then no sale.-Why are you such a dick?Everything is relative; you should see myfriends.Any other questions, feel free to reply tothis email and ask.”
BEST JEEP AD EVER!!!Best Jeep ad ever,“1997 Jeep Cherokee (XJ)220K Miles4.0 L in-line 64WDAUTOMATIC TransmissionBright RedStraight StockCrank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delaywiper, no nonsensePOWER MIRRORS! Woo Hoo!$1750Here’s the deal, kids:This is a Jeep Cherokee. This is not a luxurySUV, or a maintenance-free disposableimport. It has solid front axles, wind noise,and character.It’s a Jeep. It rides like a Jeep. It drives likea Jeep. All of these are GOOD things.It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. Thiswill be apparent in the pictures.If you do not own a toolbox, have neverchanged your own oil, and are scared offirearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you have been posting on facebook allabout how excited you are for pumpkin latteseason: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you get offended easy and often, whine toyour co-workers, and bitch a lot: THISVEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you feel you are owed anything in theworld & have a bullshit job where you fail toproduce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If you own a bieber album, white oakleys,affliction t-shirts, or those candy-assedstitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOTFOR YOU.If you consider the 2nd Amendment ananachronistic relic and have never owned afirearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL andconsider adverse weather an excuse to dostupid shit: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?Have you ever uttered the words, “Hold mybeer and watch this …”?While bored at work do you pick targets atrandom and think, “I could hit that from herewith the .22 …”?Have any of your friends quit hanging outbecause you were too much fun?Do you have the number of a friend with cashmemorized for bail?When you pass an abandoned flatbed farmtruck along a fenceline do you consider takingon another project?Is your ol’ lady really sick of the random pilesof parts, greasy footprints, and empty beerbottles in the garage?-could you not care less?Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptopAND smartphone?Do you own a service manual for everyvehicle you ever owned?Do you still miss your first ride?Can you carry on a two hour conversationdiscussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?Remember when tool companies had theballs to put half-naked beauty queens ontheir calendars?Do you consider the Prius an abominableaffront to the Gods of displacement, torque,and All Mighty Internal Combustion?If you answered in the affirmative to thepreceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.DETAILS:-I am the second owner. First owner barelygot it dirty and engaged the front axles once.-I have remedied this excessive caretakingwith muddy roads and a pile of fun.-The motor uses a little oil. How much? Idon’t know, I’m not collecting statisticalanalysis points.I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive. Notenough to bother me.-It leaks a little oil. How much? Not enoughfor me to care. It has 220,000 miles,Poindexter!If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leakingor burning oil, it’s empty!-Rear bumper has a big-ass crease in it. Idented it backing into a concrete pole. Sober.We drove away giggling, for the record.Haven’t fixed it.-Driver’s side door was caught by the wind,whipped forward, got into the LF quarterpanel.-Radiator has a small leak. Pinhole. I canreplace the radiator or you can. Reallydoesn’t matterA new radiator and hoses will run $145. Ifyou don’t want to replace them I will.Add $250 to the price of vehicle. Thisincludes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer). Afreaking bargain.-The badass little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line sixstarts and runs like the proverbial champ.-Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly-Tires will need replaced in a couple thousandmiles. I haven’t upgraded because I hadplans:Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17″Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.Life got in the way – it ain’t happening.-Zombie stickers on the right rear windowstay. My daughter’s idea, take it up with her.-Flogging Molly sticker stays as well. They kickass, so there.QUESTIONS:-Why are you selling?I can’t justify owning it anymore.Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beerhave consumed my time and money.Someone else needs to appreciate the Jeepfor what it is: awesome mechanical artistry.-What’s wrong with it?Radiator. Small oil leaks. Driver’s side doorcosmetic issues.And it’s pissed it has been neglected andparked. It needs rescued.-Does the 4WD work?Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / reardoor / axle / etc.]?No. I’m not in the salvage business. Buy theJeep. Love the Jeep. Give the Jeep a home.-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid lownumber here]?No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] Iwould have asked [ridiculously low number]Want a cheap car? Get your kid that loweredtuner piece of shit honda project down theroad.I think I’m plenty cheap for this bad mofo.-Why is it still stock?Because I bought it for a daily driver with theintention of turning it into a project.I haven’t had the time to do so. So I amselling it.-Can I put a 6″ lift and giant tires on it?I don’t give a shit. But be sure to use qualitycomponents and for God’s sake – get italigned after a lift!-Would this make a good car for mydaughter?Hell. Yes. Not only a good car, a learningexperience. Introduction to vehicularmaintenance.Additionally, there isn’t really enough room inthe back for that little bastard she’s dating totry anything.-Can you deliver?Within reason. I’d drive it a hundred miles orso. But really, you should come get it. Lookit over. Have a beer. Etc.-Will you take a check / cashier’s check /Western Union Transfer / Nigerian PromissoryNote?Would you take a ball pein hammer to theforehead?No. I’ll take Cash. Period. Bring cash ordon’t show.-Will you ship to -?No. See above.-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollaramount]?That’s great, I don’t give a shit. Unicef ain’trunning this deal, and until they do I want$1750.Why? Because I don’t HAVE to sell this littlebeauty. Truth be known, I’d rather keep it.But if it’s going to a good home – I will sell.Unless you’re an asshole – then no sale.-Why are you such a dick?Everything is relative; you should see myfriends.Any other questions, feel free to reply tothis email and ask.”
