My first kill ever... Really!

SPOOLFOOL2

Fiberglass bumper filler dude. (949) 433-1257
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Joined
Apr 4, 2002
I was a little kid in the fifth grade. Just a late bloomer I guess. I was usually one of the last to get picked for any team at recess. The last day of school was a day or two away. It was meant to be a fun day filled with cotton candy, signing each others T shirts, three legged races and other games made to make the littlest kids feel inadequate. I was not looking forward to the match ups at hand and relieved to find out that sign up was not mandatory. However, there was one contest that caught my eye. "The Big Wheel Race". For those that are unfamiliar with this front wheel drive marvel, it was this hard plastic, stretched out tricycle that had been all the rage for little kids.
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Most of us kids in the fifth grade had been riding bikes for years and could barely fit the thing. Even if you removed the seat, your butt would be hanging off the back. If you tried to peddle it, the hard plastic front tire would just spin, do to not being able to get any weight over it.

Being the excessive compulsive kid that I was (and still am:D), I went home and stared at my old faded Big Wheel that was covered in years of dust in the back yard. I was fully aware that all the other kids racing would have me covered in the horsepower department like a wet blanket. What I needed was TRACTION. My answer was to "borrow" the black inner tube from the front tire of my little sisters bike. (Thanks Sheri) Heck, she never rode the thing anyways:D. I chopped the tube in half with my mom's old scissors and laid it out on the back patio. I then slit it down the inside from end to end. I wrapped it around the hard plastic, black front tire of my trike and taped the ends together with some black duct tape, so no one would be the wiser. I did a few test launches in the driveway only to find out that the rubber hooked too well. The plastic tire just spun inside the rubber tube and slipped off the side. After stretching the tube a bit tighter and this time also carefully taping the outside of the tube to the wheel, I had something that would stay on. I just didn't know for how long.

Race Day!
I can't tell you much about the rest of the day. I do remember slowly pushing my Big Wheel the half mile to school. Exactly like I had seen the pit crews pushing a funny car to the line many times while at the the drag strip with my dad:cool: . All I could think about the entire day was The Big Race. Nobody seemed to notice the "mods" I had done to my Bad Motor Scooter as it quietly sat in the back of the pile of others, against the school house wall.

The race setting.
The race track started at one edge of the playground. About a dozen of the the biggest, meanest, and quickest kids our school had ever seen were lined up shoulder to shoulder with me in the middle. We were each instructed to "race" out and around one of the twelve cones that were placed about fifty yards away and back to the starting line. There's an old saying in racing. "When the green flag drops, the BS stops". I have no idea how this saying relates to this story, but I just like it and figured that I'd throw it out there:rolleyes:.

The old recces whistle that I had heard a thousand times was the GO. With my heart pounding faster than a humming bird's on Redbull, I must have cut close to a perfect light. I dead hooked as I launched straight and true. I remember just starting to haze the tire as I leaned as far forward as I could. With the top of my shins slapping the bottom of the handle bars to death, I focused on my cone ahead. Inner tube don't fail me now! I remember thinking. I rounded the small cone by just inches. The back of my highly exotic race car slid out as I steered into the turn with the front tire cleanly pulling me through it.

Oh crap!
It now came to my attention that the other bullies that I had left looking like fools on stools at the other end of the play ground, were now just starting to get some speed going and were now a wall of death heading for me.:eek: I saw that many of them realized that they had been suckered and were swerving towards me in an attempt to take me out. Problem was, they couldn't steer worth a darn without any traction. I knew that I was on a record setting pass and didn't want to have to shut it off. I saw a small opening and swerved to shoot through it. With a closing speed of what felt like a hundred and forty, I threaded the needle. Very soon after this, I went through the traps and shut it down.

After doing a very stylish victory slide out/ 180 deg turn, I stood up to watch ALL the other racers attempt the cone turn. Most of the biggest kids just kept going straight with their wheel turned full left. One of them got up and threw his Big Wheel at the school house wall. Some were able to slowly nurse their rides around the cone and start to make it back to the start/ finish line. Before any of the other racers got back to the line to kick my ass, a large group of teachers and parents surrounded me and my hot rod and were all asking me how in the heck did the wimpiest kid on the playground just completely lay waist to the finest gladiators west of Rome?

I was proudly showing them my performance mods as the other kids were getting back to the line. One of them with tears running down his face (future Mustang owner no doubt:p). I don't have any time slips, videos or pictures from that glorious day, but it did leave me with some life long lessons that I still believe in.

*Get your shit together BEFORE you get to the track and look like a dork.
*Horsepower, without traction is useless.
*FWD still sucks. :D



















Happy Spooling...
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Mike Barnard
 
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Possibly the greatest piece of literature i have laid eyes to.

Sent from my iPhone using Turbo Buick
 
Possibly the greatest piece of literature i have laid eyes to.

Sent from my iPhone using Turbo Buick
Cool.
I never did like "Gone With The Wind" anyways.:D

For the record. This is a true story. You can't make crap like this up.

Mike B.
 
Awesome.. Honestly, Mike your story was atleast 10x more interesting than anything that is currently on TLC or Discovery channel. You literally had me on the edge of my seat when the big guy's swerved onto your lane tryin to take you out. Close call!! LOLOL Future Mustang owner.. Classic..
 
You guys remember how the front wheel would get a flat spot front braking?

Wow! the memories are just flowing now.

Thanks Mike. I have a smile.

D
 
IS THIS WHERE YOUR MOD'S TOOK YOU MIKE ? NO BURNOUT'S .. JUST TRACTION & NO FLAT SPOTS ..
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Im 39 this thread sums up my childhood PERFECTLY! The flat front tire..yup..dadum dadum dadum...used to cruise my whole street on two wheels, then round up some more kids on big wheels and have demolition derbys..no offense to anyone but the snot nose kids of today will never know what it really means to be a kid. Spoolfool that is some writing talent man!
 
Great story Mike! Brought back good memories. Learned at an early age that spinnin ain't winnin! Thanks for the grin and great kill!
 
BROUGHT BACK MEMORIES!! HAD THE SAME BIGWHEEL AND THE SAME FLAT SPOT... I USED TO PARK IT AY MY AUNT'S HOUSE, GO IN FOR A TREAT OR A SNACK.. SHE HAD 4 GARBAGE CANS AT THE END OF HER DRIVEWAY,I WOULD LINE THEM UP AND CAREFULLY DO A 3PT TURN AND BACK IT IN TO THE SPACE. ONE DAY MY DREAMS WERE SHATTERED THOUGH.. TUESDAY WAS GARBAGE DAY,SOME PUNK-AZZ STOLE MY BIGWHEEL!!!!DAMN GARBAGE MAN!!NO WANDER I'M SCREWED UP!!!THANKS FOR THE POSTING!!!!
 
BROUGHT BACK MEMORIES!! HAD THE SAME BIGWHEEL AND THE SAME FLAT SPOT... I USED TO PARK IT AY MY AUNT'S HOUSE, GO IN FOR A TREAT OR A SNACK.. SHE HAD 4 GARBAGE CANS AT THE END OF HER DRIVEWAY,I WOULD LINE THEM UP AND CAREFULLY DO A 3PT TURN AND BACK IT IN TO THE SPACE. ONE DAY MY DREAMS WERE SHATTERED THOUGH.. TUESDAY WAS GARBAGE DAY,SOME PUNK-AZZ STOLE MY BIGWHEEL!!!!DAMN GARBAGE MAN!!NO WANDER I'M SCREWED UP!!!THANKS FOR THE POSTING!!!!

It was prolly the garbage man that took it.........:eek:
 
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