Old timer quotes

[InHock]

My dad will be 90 years old on sept.2 and he now has cancer and the doctors have gave him less than 3 months to live. I have been staying with him around the clock and have been thinking about all the little quotes he would say during different situations and thought I would share some. If you have any to add feel free to do so. Here is a few and if I think of more I will add them.
1. It is raining harder than a cow pissin on a flat rock!
2. He is nutter than a porta-potty at a peanut eatin contest!
3. I would watch that man he slicker than owl shet!
4. That road is slicker than snot on a door knob!
5. That woman is so good lookin she might need a shot of petercillin!
I am sure I will think of more later!:biggrin:

 

[Mark T-TB]

Sounds like you are looking at a little silver lining in that cloud. Sorry to hear of the diagnosis there.
I haven't necessarily heard these from him lately, but my Dad would say...
"It's good for what ails you and gives you what you haven't got" - maybe that was for something like broccoli or vitamins(?).
"A little bit is alright, but enough is too much" - usually referring to some kid behavior.
One of my uncles (from KY) would refer to something like our weather this summer here (Phila/NJ) as being "hotter than a 2-dollar pistol".

That is all I can think of right now.

 

[dr_frankenstein]

"That thing sounds rougher than 2 skeletons screwing on a tin roof"
" Im going crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory"


A.j.

 

[WINDMILL]

Sorry to hear about the cancer,,,,,, i always like the one queer as a 3 dollar bill,,,,,,,,but they did make a 3 dollar bill......
Three Dollar Bill

 

[InHock]

Yes my Dad has said that one too Windmill! Just thought of another one "I am sweatin more than a virgin at a prison rodeo!" and
"It is hotter than a whore in church in here!" I will post more as I think of them.

 

[1fast6]

My dad always had 2 pieces of advice....
1) Never volunterr
2) If theres a chair, sit down.

Some other ones.
Hotter than 2 rats ****ing in a wool sock.
That thing looks like earings on a pig. (usually referring to a fresh paint job over bondo)
Crazier than a **** house rat
nuttier than squirrel turd

 

[turbofrank]

Id give 2 dollars to hear her piss in a tin can.

 

[LOT]

couple good ones

"You can't trust a person who has never broke a sweat to make a living".

"Don't worry about the mule, load the wagon."

 

[pdzz]

Colder than a well digger's ass!! My grandad said that alot, along with," shut it and grab me a beer!"

 

[turbofrank]

Colder than a well digger's ass!! My grandad said that alot, along with," shut it and grab me a beer!"

colder than a wells diggers ass in Montana

 

[Black3]

Sorry about your Dad. Got a couple:
"Slicker than deer gut on a door knob"
"Busier than a 3 legged cat burying its crap"

 

[ITSAV6]

Don't argue with an idiot........a passer by won't know the difference.
Sorry about your dad.

 

[InHock]

Thanks guys. I look forward to checking this thread because it helps me pass the time and reminds me of the better days I have had with my dad. Knowing what is coming and trying to convince myself that this is part of life doesnt make it any easier.

 

[cruzn57]

sorry for the illness

my dad, (gone 5 yrs now) used to say.
you'll never make chicken salad, outa chicken sh!t.....

 

[chopped39]

Sorry to hear about your dad.
My dad says this alot .Cant trust anything that bleeds for seven days and lives. Sweating like a whore in a church. I would jump on her like an enraged rabbit in a lettuce patch.

 

[LC2 ROD]

Happier then a dog with two dick$.

Id give my right arm to be ambidexterous.

Its bad luck to be superstitious.

Sheet metal so thin, it only has one side.

Go play on the railroad tracks.

Sorry about your Dad.

 

[longball]

from my grandfather:

quicker than sh*t slides through a tin horn

quicker than a cat can lick its a**hole

 

[troGNman]

Sorry to hear about your dad. I hope a little bit of humor can ease his suffering. I heard most of these from an uncle.

-- Jumpier than a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs.

-- As useless as t*ts on a bull.

-- Busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

-- Colder than a witch's t*t.

-- Busier than a one-armed paperhanger.

-- He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag.

 

[GOT JCE]

Sorry about your father

My fathers best line when we have to move something heavy. "my name is Simpson not Sampson". I chuckle every time I hear it.

 

[Turbo Indian]

1. It is raining harder than a cow pissin on a flat rock!

I grew up on a farm & the way it was told to me was

a double cun*ed cow pissing on a flat rock.
I have always liked...
it's pouring like pouring piss out of a boot.