help-wife wants to become massage therapist

[1LowLeSabre]

Look on the bright side, at least she's not wanting to become a Prostitute.

 

[SilverSleeper]

Going through the carpal tunnel problems she has, theres no way she can be a massage therapist. I've been to my share, to help with my sciatica and back problems. Its VERY involved with your hands, and they have to be very strong. I have carpal tunnel issues myself, being a drummer for 20 years, and typing a lot for a living. Its a repetitive motion problem, and even surgery doesn't always cure it.

Heres a off beat suggestion. I bought an instructional video on basic massage therapy, not only to learn to help my (now ex) gf with her problems, but to learn about how it works for my own sessions. Get one. Have her see what goes into it, and all the effort required by her hands. Have her practice a bit on you, and see if she doesn't start complaining about her hands being sore and wrists tightening up. That may end her ideas about going to school for it right there, when she realizes what it takes, and that her condition is only going to get worse with this type of work. If her carpal tunnel is really that bad, it shouldn't take long before that realization comes about.

 

[tomcatturbo]

You have definitely made the best point Audie1, and I applaud your honest and very forthright opinion. You're so right in my opinion and you couldn't have said it better-

I feel this way, people. Audie hit it on the nail. It's not a matter of a trust thing or not, and truly if I had met her and she was a massage therapist, I truly would understand and it would be wrong of me to ask her to not continue being a massage therapist-

But I didn't marry a massage therapist.

I did ask my wife how she would feel if I too took the class and became a massage therapist, and she came to where I was performing massages and a tall, beautiful, gorgeous, seductive looking blonde came in for a full body massage and I had to work spending a good 1hr and half, rubbing my hands all over her aching, hard, toned, tan body....

...you should of seen the look on my wifes face when I said it to her. She didn't like that comment. Yeah, that's right. Put the shoe on the other foot, and it isn't very comfortable is it??

I do however respect all of the other opinions of all the other guys who have commented though. However, I don't think but maybe 1 or 2 at the most are married or dating a massage therapist.

But to the rest of you. How would all of you feel if your wives chose to want to become a massage therapists? It's easier said than done, let me tell you. Half of you can't imagine the ache in your heart if your wife seriously brought this subject up and wanted to possibly consider becoming one.

It's not about control, or trust. It's about what's right. You almost literally have to just tune it out completely about what your wife may hear, see, and experience behind closed doors, with that very happy man who takes off all his clothes, and has a little towel over his tush.

I'm not trying to push down massage therapists, please understand. I just don't feel this is productive for our personal relationship and family. It's almost an insult to me, and sorry I feel this way.

Thanks guys for your thought and comments.

If this is for real I'd say no freaking way, this will have an adverse affect on your marriage, as you are already seeking outside help with this issue. While stationed in Korea (is Korea even relevant) there were many Massage/Steam rooms on post in the early 1980's. We did call them "Steam and Cream" for a reason. Why would I want my wife to have her hands all over another man's body for mainly his pleasure. Those of you that would not have an issue with this do not really love their wive's, unless you have a fantasy of seeing your wive's hands all over another man. Put your foot down and tell her Hell No! There are certain things in a marriage that you should not do, and this is one of them. Now if she were a Massage Therapist prior to you getting married, then her having that job was a part of the package that you would have to accept. Let me ask you, could you in all honesty massage lots of women (an occasional "Hotty" as well) an not have carnal thoughts?

 

[Gary Wells]

tomcatturbo:
I don't mean to sound rude, crude, and socially unacceptable, and this is none of my business, but is there any chance that your wife is seeking attention, and this is her way of displaying it? Your wife may not really want to be a massage therapist she might just want to get a rise out of you. Try showering her with lots of attention and see if she doesn't come around somewhat or have a change of attitude.

 

[turbobuick]

A licensed massage therapist might not be what you think and neither is therapeutic massage, it typically hurts! It is a very professional career and takes a lot of knowledge and skill. I have employed many therapist, have referred many patients to them and work with them on a regular basis. Here is my experiences with massage therapy in a doctors office setting:

1.) Men who would expose themselves to her in a private setting. I once dated a very professional massage therapist who told me from time to time, a very "professional" client would act completely out of line, and immediately or very subtlly expose his private parts to her. She would sometimes get pretty upset, however, she truly admitted to me it was sort of intriguing that men can go to that level.

I have never seen this in my practice with any of the therapist who have worked in my office. At least that I know of or am aware of, and I'm sure I would've been told about it or known about it as they are typically my patients to begin with. As a chiropractor I have had issues with patients who have tried to cross the boundaries of the doctor patient relationship but it is usually easy to handle and not much of an issue. While a massage therapist doesn't necessarily have a traditional doctor patient relationship they should still present themselves as someone who is professional and knowledgeable about what they do it. Educating a patient about what and why you are performing something is also very important almost as much as the therapy itself.

2.) Very intimate contact: I feel that no matter what, if an attractive woman is massaging your upper/lower back, legs, thighs, shoulders and chest (front part of oody), there's no way that avoiding the natural is avoidable. Just the thought of that drives me insane, and I explained to my wife that it's not what "she can control" , but truly what she "can't control." Men have a mind/testosterone of their own.

In a professional setting and with someone who conducts themselves in a professional manner this definitely IS not an issue. Again patient education about how and why the therapist is performing something is important. Don't forget therapeutic massage is being performed for a reason and has to have some medical necessity to perform it at least in a professional setting such as a doctors office.

3.) Physical aspect of the job: Massage therapists can sometimes work their hands off literally. My wife has had carpal tunnel problems in the past from holding scissors all day and scrubbing heads in the sink, nevermind having to squeeze and kneed a persons body/muscles for long periods of time. It can be a very tough job sometimes for a massage therapist.

I agree and have treated many for repetitive stress disorders. But like any job if you take the time to stretch exercise and do things to offset the effects of doing something repetitive it is not a problem. This is especially true for someone who sits all day for a living which is worse than what she is looking to do.

4.) Insurance and Benefits: I know for sure that a massage therapist has a hard time obtaining any type of great medical plan with benefits, unless they work for some large medical office/corporation or hotel.

Insurance coverage shouldn't be any different than what it would be for any average 45yo female. There aren't any serious risks with the profession that I am aware of.


5.) Trust Issues: My wife assures me to trust her, but that's almost like a stab in my heart in a sense. I have thoughts of her going into a private sessionn with candles, and soft new age music and massaging some muscular guy- and him moaning like he's having intercourse while my wife sincerely can't wait to get home to her husband and 2 small kids....

Again, it depend this depends on your wife. If she is looking to make a profession of this and work as professional in a professional setting this shouldn't be an issue.

6.) Hotel Room Massages, Massages at Home, Etc: What happens if a client says to her, can you please come to my hotel room and give me a massage? What happens if my wife ever decided to try and take it one step further and bring a client to our home while I'm out working or whatever? I'm sorry, but I won't even entertain these thoughts or give them a chance to ever come to fruition.

This is very unprofessional and not what my idea of how a professional LMT should present or conduct the profession. Bottom line is if your wife is going to pursue this I would look more into it and try and understand it a little better. I would lay some ground work on what is and what isn't acceptable. Massage therapy has come a long way in the last 10 years and is not what it use to be and is an essential part of any physical medicine and rehab program. Here in Ohio I pay $20-25 an hour for a massage therapist and will pay $12-15 an hour for a LMT as a general therapist and assistant in my office. If my wife weren't a pharmacist I would have NO issues with her becoming an LMT. A successful LMT in private practice can make significantly more than this but third party reimbursement can be difficult without a physician referral.

 

[tomcatturbo]

Very well said Turbobuick- I appreciate the very professional, positive feedback regarding the profession of massage therapy. Moreover though, you are quite a few notches higher on the scale being a Chiropractor, and you are a male, and your massage therapists do practice their profession in an office environment.

Would or could I consider my wife wanting to practice in that environment? That sounds reasonable, and your practice is professional and I understand that the massage therapists are their for true therapy.

I once was in an accident in my ole Mustang which t-boned a car who ran a stop sign. I went to a chiropractor who actually had a massage therapist in her office. I did the therapy and it was performed by a very attractive young lady I grew up in church with. She was happily married, and also had a picture of her husband in the massage room.

She wore thin gloves when she massaged me. It felt weird on my back, but nevertheless it was what it was. I had about 20 massages and settings from the Chiropractor, and when it was all said and done I was awarded a $2700 dollar check from a personal injury lawyer.

Many a times, I felt truly kind of guilty having this attractive, married woman with her hands all over me. I had a towel over me, and I left my underwear on. That was optional. I felt uncomfortable to go full undraped even under a towel. She massaged every part of my backside. Even my buttocks. I was almost mortified, but it was part of her job. I felt it was intimate, I'm sorry. Did I stop her? No. I was single at the time. However, I felt very turned on and most of the time ended up with that 'viagra effect', to put it you kindly. It was very noticable, and I felt embarrassed, but it was worth it after I finally received the check.

Please understand. I'm sharing this because it's just the way I had experienced it. Maybe someone else didn't or wouldn't experience it like this, but I did.

A licensed massage therapist might not be what you think and neither is therapeutic massage, it typically hurts! It is a very professional career and takes a lot of knowledge and skill. I have employed many therapist, have referred many patients to them and work with them on a regular basis. Here is my experiences with massage therapy in a doctors office setting:

1.) Men who would expose themselves to her in a private setting. I once dated a very professional massage therapist who told me from time to time, a very "professional" client would act completely out of line, and immediately or very subtlly expose his private parts to her. She would sometimes get pretty upset, however, she truly admitted to me it was sort of intriguing that men can go to that level.

I have never seen this in my practice with any of the therapist who have worked in my office. At least that I know of or am aware of, and I'm sure I would've been told about it or known about it as they are typically my patients to begin with. As a chiropractor I have had issues with patients who have tried to cross the boundaries of the doctor patient relationship but it is usually easy to handle and not much of an issue. While a massage therapist doesn't necessarily have a traditional doctor patient relationship they should still present themselves as someone who is professional and knowledgeable about what they do it. Educating a patient about what and why you are performing something is also very important almost as much as the therapy itself.

2.) Very intimate contact: I feel that no matter what, if an attractive woman is massaging your upper/lower back, legs, thighs, shoulders and chest (front part of oody), there's no way that avoiding the natural is avoidable. Just the thought of that drives me insane, and I explained to my wife that it's not what "she can control" , but truly what she "can't control." Men have a mind/testosterone of their own.

In a professional setting and with someone who conducts themselves in a professional manner this definitely IS not an issue. Again patient education about how and why the therapist is performing something is important. Don't forget therapeutic massage is being performed for a reason and has to have some medical necessity to perform it at least in a professional setting such as a doctors office.

3.) Physical aspect of the job: Massage therapists can sometimes work their hands off literally. My wife has had carpal tunnel problems in the past from holding scissors all day and scrubbing heads in the sink, nevermind having to squeeze and kneed a persons body/muscles for long periods of time. It can be a very tough job sometimes for a massage therapist.

I agree and have treated many for repetitive stress disorders. But like any job if you take the time to stretch exercise and do things to offset the effects of doing something repetitive it is not a problem. This is especially true for someone who sits all day for a living which is worse than what she is looking to do.

4.) Insurance and Benefits: I know for sure that a massage therapist has a hard time obtaining any type of great medical plan with benefits, unless they work for some large medical office/corporation or hotel.

Insurance coverage shouldn't be any different than what it would be for any average 45yo female. There aren't any serious risks with the profession that I am aware of.


5.) Trust Issues: My wife assures me to trust her, but that's almost like a stab in my heart in a sense. I have thoughts of her going into a private sessionn with candles, and soft new age music and massaging some muscular guy- and him moaning like he's having intercourse while my wife sincerely can't wait to get home to her husband and 2 small kids....

Again, it depend this depends on your wife. If she is looking to make a profession of this and work as professional in a professional setting this shouldn't be an issue.

6.) Hotel Room Massages, Massages at Home, Etc: What happens if a client says to her, can you please come to my hotel room and give me a massage? What happens if my wife ever decided to try and take it one step further and bring a client to our home while I'm out working or whatever? I'm sorry, but I won't even entertain these thoughts or give them a chance to ever come to fruition.

This is very unprofessional and not what my idea of how a professional LMT should present or conduct the profession. Bottom line is if your wife is going to pursue this I would look more into it and try and understand it a little better. I would lay some ground work on what is and what isn't acceptable. Massage therapy has come a long way in the last 10 years and is not what it use to be and is an essential part of any physical medicine and rehab program. Here in Ohio I pay $20-25 an hour for a massage therapist and will pay $12-15 an hour for a LMT as a general therapist and assistant in my office. If my wife weren't a pharmacist I would have NO issues with her becoming an LMT. A successful LMT in private practice can make significantly more than this but third party reimbursement can be difficult without a physician referral.

 

[tomcatturbo]

Forcedfed- you made me really laugh. But I also do appreciate the advice. I understand what you said about holding against someone cause you don't let them do what they want. Ultimately, I wouldn't hold it against her. I just don't want to see her waste money/time when there's so many good other career paths. There's a school close by which offers an excellent physical therapy program, and I feel that this would be so much more beneficial. Plus she could really use her massage skills in under that title to facilitate people in such a more medical, beneficial way.

Massage Therapy has such a bad rap lately. So many people use the word "Happy Ending" and I don't want anyone to insult my wife in that fashion.

Has anyone on here ever had a massage with a happy ending?? Please don't respond, but I'm just making a point. I'm not putting down the profession, and I feel there's a lot of very good, respectable massage therapists out there.

Once she gets her license sent her my way, I'll give here a good TIP. , JK man, there is no way she will be able to hang with the job, if she cant even hold a set of siccors she will not be able to give a massage or it will only last a few weeks before she starts to complain or quits for sure, let her find out for herself because if you dont she will hold it against you forever.. thats my 2cents.

 

[turbobuick]

What state do you live in? Every state is different and in Ohio there are pretty strict licensing and practice guidelines for LMT's.

I still touch 99.99% of the patients I see. Statically 90% will have a positive experience with some type of manual therapy. That means 9 out of 10 people who come in my office will feel better as a result of me or someone in my office touching them. This is and can be an intimate experience and that is only a natural human reaction. I am not down playing that but in a professional setting it is almost never an issue and if it does become an issue it can easily be handled in a professional manner. This is something most health care professionals deal with and almost all doctors regardless of discipline.

So did you end up dating your attractive massage therapist or get a happy ending

I wish you guys the best and if I can help in any way let me know.

 

[rib256]

If you don't trust her, that is YOUR issue not hers. You need to talk to her and not semi anonymous people on a website.

 

[tomcatturbo]

I sincerely apologize if I sounded like I dont trust her. I trust her, and that's not the issue. Bottom line is, I feel that massage is sensual, and personal. That's all. I give my wife sensual massages, and she does likewise, as a form of foreplay in our intimate life, so I feel personally it's something that would be shared with other people, and I'm not a good sharer when it comes to my wife. Period.

Other than that, I've never had a happy ending, ever. I've heard many stories of people that have had them, particularly ones who visit oriental spas and such of that sort. I've had a few oriental massages in my past, and I've never had that happen to me. I would feel that crosses the line, and I'm not there to pay for anything other than getting some knots worked out of my back at that time.

I trust my wife. But I'm also her husband and a leader in our home. I have to be able to express my feelings for our future.

I still feel that if we can't agree together 100% on something, then we have to toss it out. Especially if it has the potential to cause a riff in our intimacy and marriage.

I trust my wife. But I don't trust my own feelings. And I don't need to have to go to therapy because I compromised my feelings on how I feel about a particular occupation.

I think I'm done thinking and talking about this for now. I've said how I feel, and don't want to offend anyone who's in this profession or perhaps a chiropractor. I have a great respect for the medical profession and people who help others. I don't want this to be misconveyed the wrong way.

 

[RobsIron]

"Honey, I want to be a massage therapist".


"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"


FTS.

 

[it's just a six]

A lady I know became one & through a few years of doing it she got degenerative arthritis (SP)

She had to stop, too much pain in her hands.

 

[GNBRETT]

Confusing a massage therapist with some Brazilian chic that asks if you want a happy ending are two different things. Clinics here charge $140 for (45) minute massage and I can assure you they are professional and very good.

Ur not gonna get the loosers looking for handjobs at a professional clinic nor are they going to be exposing themselves. Most all the clients will be women anyway.

 

[Studmonkey]

Let her do it. Trust go a long way! Make her buy you a new toy Perhaps a bike or a new GN? If not, forget about it. I guess a lot would depend on how hot she looks and her past reputation Look if you rubbed backs for a living and some hot divorced women wanted to take the shower curtian down and get down with you and a bottle of oil, would you? That said make her put 35% of the money towards something you want.

 

[Ms. FastNasty]

My first thought here is that if you dont' have trust in a relationship, you don't have much.
That being said, I have a cousin and an aunt who are both massage therapists. Both are equally attractive women. My aunt has worked her tail off (without happy endings) and is a massage therapist for many of the Indianapolis Colts players...and she makes good money. My cousin works for a high end salon...few men go there for massages, and she makes about $90 an hour...again, no happy endings.
I think it somewhat depends on where she ends up being employed. If it's at a higher end salon, I don't think she would run into issues at all. If she gets a job at one of those bargain basement chinese massage parlors...then you might have something to worry about.
Just my thoughts.

 

[Ms. FastNasty]

Sorry I had another thought. How many of the ones bashing massage therapists on here HAVE ACTUALLY HAD A MASSAGE from someone other than your significant other?
I agree you need to let her do what she feels is right for her and trust her. My hubby didn't have a problem when I decided to instruct cardio pole...and we get guys all the time trying to attend class...and he simply trusts me to deal with it, and I do...every time (they are told to get lost by the way). :tongue:

 

[usetaboost]

I'm sure the reason why she wants to jump into this is because of the possibility of making good money. Have you ever had a massage from a real therapist? It's not relaxing that's for sure! Although I've been told by 3 of them my muscles are tense . Anyway, she's probably at her wits end for staying home and playing housewife. She wants to match the bread big daddy is bringing home. So why not let her? Even if it doesn't pan out and she quits afterwards you know you will get a good rubbin' when you want one Besides its gonna be more money in your pocket and hers and I guarantee you that is all she's thinking about. My wife has an extra job servin drinks on the weekends at a club. Most would think that's crazy. I don't think it is when she brings home an extra 1k a month and uses that money for stuff I want, pays money to my buick account, etc. She's 25 and probably one of the best lookin ones that work there. I've went down there once with a few friends while she was at work and she bought me beers and pool games with her tip money:biggrin:

 

[BandAid]

Confusing a massage therapist with some Brazilian chic that asks if you want a happy ending are two different things. Clinics here charge $140 for (45) minute massage and I can assure you they are professional and very good.

Ur not gonna get the loosers looking for handjobs at a professional clinic nor are they going to be exposing themselves. Most all the clients will be women anyway.

for a $140 the better be getting a ....job..

I say no way to your wife's new career.

 

[seeyabye]

I agree with most of the responses here. I believe that you trust your wife. There is no way I would let my wife become a massage therapist. Not because I don't trust her, but because I don't trust everybody else. I don't want her to even be put in a position where she would have an opportunity to be disrespected. I agree that she should get a job and get out of the house. She wants to go to school to better herself and prepare for a career, great. Massage therapy? I don't think so. That is a job better left to people that are not intimately involved with someone else. I don't blame you for being upset.

 

[tb3]

this is an easy one...

tell her to go for it. after she lands the job have one of your buddies she doesn't know go in and offer her a cool grand for something "special". after he gets back to you with her response you'll know if you've got a issue of trust or not